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Unless you’ve literally been on one date and then you stayed with that person forever, you’ve had a bad date. There are more bad date stories in this world than there are people. The stories range from the truly abhorrent to the charmingly embarrassing to the downright bizarre, and we can’t seem to get enough of them.

Which is why I’d like to turn your attention to this gift of a thread kicked off by Twitter user @millercycle:

I’ve been combing through these replies for a while now and they’re incredible. Here are just a few of the highlights for your love-hate enjoyment.

13. I’m lovin’ it

To be fair, who has money in high school?

12. Breakdown breakup

Why do people just refuse to fix their cars sometimes?

11. Stuffed

That’s a swing and a miss for hoping she’ll have the same weird sensibilities as you, my dude.

10. Double date

This is literally a sitcom cliche, I refuse to believe this happened in real life.

9. Ex machina

There were soooo many stories like this in the thread.

8. Get out

I literally cannot think of a worse question to start a date with.

7. Wipeout

I…I just…what?

6. Pole position

That’s gonna be a yikes from me.

5. Making the cut

There’s a sentence in here which, I swear to you, you will not see coming.

4. Dine & dash

There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

3. Bee careful

That’s Barry B. Benson! You monster!

2. The grapes of wrath

Has this human ever humaned before?

1. The kiss

Maybe stop adopting such attractive dogs.

Welp, that was horrifying. There are so many of these stories I desperately want more information on but I’m simultaneously afraid to ask.

What was YOUR worst date story?

Tell us in the comments.