Unless you’ve literally been on one date and then you stayed with that person forever, you’ve had a bad date. There are more bad date stories in this world than there are people. The stories range from the truly abhorrent to the charmingly embarrassing to the downright bizarre, and we can’t seem to get enough of them.
Which is why I’d like to turn your attention to this gift of a thread kicked off by Twitter user @millercycle:
https://twitter.com/millercycle/status/1252608843709853696
I’ve been combing through these replies for a while now and they’re incredible. Here are just a few of the highlights for your love-hate enjoyment.
13. I’m lovin’ it
To be fair, who has money in high school?
A prom date took me to the McDonald’s drive-thru for our fancy prom dinner. pic.twitter.com/NoiZCwZdGW
— Hella_of_Troy (@OfHella) April 21, 2020
12. Breakdown breakup
Why do people just refuse to fix their cars sometimes?
Dude picked me up in a car that he knew was on the verge of over heating. It broke down on the way to the restaurant, and it was f*king cold out
— Prairie MoM (@ChristinaBeat18) April 22, 2020
11. Stuffed
That’s a swing and a miss for hoping she’ll have the same weird sensibilities as you, my dude.
He gave me this book as a gift, and I honestly thought I was going to end up at the bottom of a well in a basement. pic.twitter.com/WC4H6EhG2G
— ???BeckyAF (@Suuper_Cute) April 22, 2020
10. Double date
This is literally a sitcom cliche, I refuse to believe this happened in real life.
It was to a ball game. Guy kept getting up, asking me if I needed stuff. Lines are long I get it. But he kept getting up, being gone, I eventually had the entire concession stand. Finally he got up again and I followed him. He had another date on the other side of the field.
— ??Melissa?? (@doordecorby) April 21, 2020
9. Ex machina
There were soooo many stories like this in the thread.
I hadn’t been out of the house in over a year. Met online, then met for coffee. They talked about every ex they had ever had. The. Entire. Time.
— Tawsha Wilson (@WilsonTawsha) April 21, 2020
8. Get out
I literally cannot think of a worse question to start a date with.
A girl once asked me “does anyone know you’re here?” – I didn’t fancy ending up in a ditch with my throat cut, so I made my excuses and went home ??????
— Zammo (@mcjedward) April 21, 2020
7. Wipeout
I…I just…what?
Met a man for a movie & he got popcorn, candy, drink! He ate it all!!!!! After movie went to bathroom for 20 minutes. Walked to his van to say goodbye, it was 4:00 pm & still daylight & he reaches in console of his van & grabs wipes, reaches back & wipes his ass 2 times! Yuck
— MelSue (@MelSue3) April 24, 2020
6. Pole position
That’s gonna be a yikes from me.
He came to pick me up,I got in his car, he said,”I normally date strippers but I guess you’ll do”
— Bangarang (@AshyBoo8717) April 21, 2020
5. Making the cut
There’s a sentence in here which, I swear to you, you will not see coming.
He asked me to meet him at his house. It turns out it’s his parents house. He lives in the basement. He didn’t have a car. He wanted me to give him a haircut before going. I still went to dinner. He ordered for me. Insisted on it.
— ?ime St?re C?wgirl (@dimestorec0wgrl) April 21, 2020
4. Dine & dash
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
Met online. He takes me to a high-end restaurant. He takes over all the ordering, apps,mains, deserts, best wines, after diner special coffees, I thought things were going great,excuses himself to use restroom. Never returns. I got stuck with a BIG bill.
— The HK.?? (@scotiagirl01) April 22, 2020
3. Bee careful
That’s Barry B. Benson! You monster!
He squashed a bee in his ice cream cup with his spoon, kept eating and offered me some of his when I stopped eating mine trying to hold back puking
— CaroSabotage (@CaroSabotage) April 21, 2020
2. The grapes of wrath
Has this human ever humaned before?
Picked me up 30 minutes late w/a half empty case of beer. Drove me 2 Walmart, bought grapes, then drove 2 his empty apartment where he drank beer, ate grapes & told me about his backpacking trip in Europe. Me: “I can’t believe I’m paying a babysitter for this. Take me home.”
— Aurora (@Aurorabfar) April 22, 2020
1. The kiss
Maybe stop adopting such attractive dogs.
I left the room to refresh our ice tea glasses and came back to discover him French kissing my dog. Then he complained I wouldn’t kiss him or do any foolin’ around. True story.
— Zusiqu Loves Social Distancing (@Zusiqu) April 21, 2020
Welp, that was horrifying. There are so many of these stories I desperately want more information on but I’m simultaneously afraid to ask.
What was YOUR worst date story?
Tell us in the comments.