Welcome to the first annual Twitter Awards, hosted and controlled (entirely arbitrarily) by me.
Only 13 of these awards are handed out yearly, for reasons known only to be, in categories which are likely to change from year to year.
So, now that we all understand it, put on your best “good sport loser” face and prepare for the glitz and glamour of award season with these thirteen funny tweets!
13. Best Book Tweet
Man, that would be hilarious.
Books should have a blooper page in the back that shows some of the typos the editors fixed
— Cameron Bradford (@camerobradford) March 12, 2021
12. Best Non-Trashy Pronoun Joke
And I wish you the very best of luck with you predicament.
“your pronouns are what’s in your pants” ok. cob/webs
— not sara (genuinely hillary) (@smithsara79) March 3, 2021
11. Best Ice Cream Observation
This would work like semaphore or flying colors, allowing us to know from a distance what to avoid.
Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is broken
— Shakira (@jodecicry) March 10, 2021
10. Best Historical Joke
Do you want a revolution?
HISTORICALLY A VERY BAD SIGN FOR ENGLAND TBH pic.twitter.com/luJgfEecM8
— Vox Prudentia (@VoxPrudentia) March 8, 2021
9. Best Name
When your parents know from the start exactly where you’re life is going.
tough name to back up but you've gotta admit he pulled it off pic.twitter.com/x15HyFWCH4
— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) March 7, 2021
8. Best Biblical Rewrite
I’m sending you some materials for a script treatment now.
Imagine all the hot drama that would have unfolded if Noah had put three of every animal on his ark
— Ashley Glicken (@Exce11entFancy) March 7, 2021
7. Most Money Award
Give me some while you’re at it?
I wish the IRS would just take my money instead of tormenting me with her fucked up riddles
— Amy (@amyis_trying) March 7, 2021
6. Best Historical Contextualization
They’d probably burn it at the stake as a witch.
a single sour patch kid would kill a pilgrim instantly
— ◭ ? ? ? ? ? ◮ (@garbagecoven) November 27, 2020
5. Best Reference
You sure come highly recommended.
When the homie add me as a reference ??? pic.twitter.com/yohgyUaNzb
— Mic Feel (@micfeel__) March 11, 2021
4. Safest Gaming
The gentlest video game company makes the most dangerous stuff.
home alone stoned thinking about how the Wii controller was so dangerous it needed a wrist strap AND a condom pic.twitter.com/QGSV2kKKpj
— reese (@thiccreese) March 10, 2021
3. Best Multitasking
Are you still in class while you’re tweeting this?
I tweeted during class and the professor liked my tweet pic.twitter.com/qaqE7alZkT
— not even water?! juice (@imjustjuice) March 9, 2021
2. Best Picture
It’s a tie!
my fridge has a screen so sometimes I get bored and photoshop myself to make it look like im in there pic.twitter.com/F21x8g7xbh
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) March 10, 2021
1. Kids Choice Award
It’s hard to imagine a circumstance quite so dismal.
imagine losing a kids choice award on zoom, closing your computer and putting away your ring light
— Jared Goldstein (@heyjaredhey) March 7, 2021
We hope you’ve enjoyed this award ceremony. Seat fillers can collect their checks on the way out.
What internet creators do you think should win an award, and what should that award be called?
Tell us in the comments.