Welcome to the first annual Twitter Awards, hosted and controlled (entirely arbitrarily) by me.

Only 13 of these awards are handed out yearly, for reasons known only to be, in categories which are likely to change from year to year.

So, now that we all understand it, put on your best “good sport loser” face and prepare for the glitz and glamour of award season with these thirteen funny tweets!

13. Best Book Tweet

Man, that would be hilarious.

12. Best Non-Trashy Pronoun Joke

And I wish you the very best of luck with you predicament.

11. Best Ice Cream Observation

This would work like semaphore or flying colors, allowing us to know from a distance what to avoid.

10. Best Historical Joke

Do you want a revolution?

9. Best Name

When your parents know from the start exactly where you’re life is going.

8. Best Biblical Rewrite

I’m sending you some materials for a script treatment now.

7. Most Money Award

Give me some while you’re at it?


6. Best Historical Contextualization

They’d probably burn it at the stake as a witch.

5. Best Reference

You sure come highly recommended.

4. Safest Gaming

The gentlest video game company makes the most dangerous stuff.


3. Best Multitasking

Are you still in class while you’re tweeting this?


2. Best Picture

It’s a tie!

1. Kids Choice Award

It’s hard to imagine a circumstance quite so dismal.


We hope you’ve enjoyed this award ceremony. Seat fillers can collect their checks on the way out.

What internet creators do you think should win an award, and what should that award be called?

Tell us in the comments.