Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about my favorite cause?
I promise it won’t take long, and I’m not going to ask you for money, and I’m certainly not going to put you in a position where you donate $20 and then I send you mail for the rest of your life, easily out-costing me the money you spent and driving you crazy forever.
Nope. Not like that. Not this time.
This time, the cause is just funny tweets. And all you have to do to help me in this cause is read ’em. So what do you say. Can I sign ya up?
10. Aim high
When you become a victim of your own presence.
I use to date this man in ATL that was like 6’10 and everybody thought he played in the NBA when we was out. And that’s why I left.. because why you not in the NBA?
— kaeli. (@KaeliiKo) March 11, 2021
9. Coffin shoppin’ shockin’
For real though, I genuinely won’t care.
damn a coffin costs $4000??? y'all can bury me loose
— ye ? (@yedoye_) March 11, 2021
8. It’s coming
One might even say that it’s in the cards.
Losing my debit card in a bar is so close I can taste it
— Kathleen (@kathleenkatkath) March 11, 2021
7. Ride or die
We gotta get free and clear up in here.
I just drove for 30 mins in GTA 5 to clear my mind.
— Grave Digger?? (@Pedroy_26) April 1, 2020
6. Too hard
I feel like this is a tale of colonialism in a nutshell.
Goldilocks was crazy I love her..imagine breaking into someones house and being like. Umm this chair fucking sucks
— helena (@freshhel) March 11, 2021
5. Putting it together
I’m only a little bit furious at the people who took this time to get in shape rather than just super fat like me.
Everyone’s gonna get vaxxed and think they’re gonna fuck but nobody knows how to talk anymore so it’s just be a whole club of horny people talking about Bionicles.
— chris person (@Papapishu) March 12, 2021
4. Those before hose
If you think YOU’RE high, wait ’till you see the lumber prices.
I’m so high at Home Depot and i have to ask where the hose at and i know ima laugh when i do
— HVRLEM (@HvrlemD) March 10, 2021
3. Look out!
Movin’ to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
$1400? Back in 1995 Presidents would offer millions of peaches; peaches for free.
— Benoît and 68 others (@NomDeBenoit) March 10, 2021
2. Cover me
“Why do I want this job? Because my landlord doesn’t accept enthusiasm as payment.”
when you apply for a job they literally force you to write them a deranged little love letter. textbook anxious attachment!!
— sara tardiff (@saratardiff) March 10, 2021
1. We’ll leave the light on for ya
The folks who went after 7 and 8 were just playing God at that point.
Can't believe they perfected the motel experience after just 6 tries
— Caitlin (@caithuls) July 11, 2017
Thanks for taking the time to look at those, it means a lot for the cause.
Who are your favorite people on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.