Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about my favorite cause?

I promise it won’t take long, and I’m not going to ask you for money, and I’m certainly not going to put you in a position where you donate $20 and then I send you mail for the rest of your life, easily out-costing me the money you spent and driving you crazy forever.

Nope. Not like that. Not this time.

This time, the cause is just funny tweets. And all you have to do to help me in this cause is read ’em. So what do you say. Can I sign ya up?

10. Aim high

When you become a victim of your own presence.


9. Coffin shoppin’ shockin’

For real though, I genuinely won’t care.

8. It’s coming

One might even say that it’s in the cards.

7. Ride or die

We gotta get free and clear up in here.

6. Too hard

I feel like this is a tale of colonialism in a nutshell.

5. Putting it together

I’m only a little bit furious at the people who took this time to get in shape rather than just super fat like me.

4. Those before hose

If you think YOU’RE high, wait ’till you see the lumber prices.


3. Look out!

Movin’ to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.

2. Cover me

“Why do I want this job? Because my landlord doesn’t accept enthusiasm as payment.”


1. We’ll leave the light on for ya

The folks who went after 7 and 8 were just playing God at that point.

Thanks for taking the time to look at those, it means a lot for the cause.

Who are your favorite people on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.