I honestly don’t know whether to applaud these tweets or go run and hide. Because they’re so on point that they scare me a little.
But hey, it’s okay to be scared every now and again. It’s just a reminder that we’re still alive, we still can be shocked… and we need to get out A LOT more.
These 14 examples will make you feel the same. Probably.
1. Absolutely amazing.
Returned a library book as Elizabeth Warren today pic.twitter.com/URexv2UTMm
— Molly Jolly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) October 10, 2019
2. Well, if you put it THAT way…
“Ugh no thank y-“
“…as you’ve never seen it before.”
— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) October 8, 2019
3. Every night around 2 a.m.
When one door closes, another one opens. And then closes. And then opens. It’s the fridge. It’s me in front of the fridge.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 6, 2019
4. Let’s GO!!!
All I want for my birthday is my husband to take me to a remote tropical island where we can lie on the beach for 2 days completely uninterrupted
…and then on the third day a mysterious heiress is murdered in the lobby and oh no all the guests are suspects and we must solve it
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 9, 2019
5. Yep. I can affirm this.
The male equivalent of getting bangs is thinking about doing stand up
— Brown Peggy Olson (@ahdiv_me) August 4, 2019
6. A+ for effort.
Me: Husband, please stop leaving empty wrappers on the kitchen surface.
— Lizzie Swann (@LizzieSwann1) March 26, 2019
7. Well, that seals it. No first class for me ever.
My friend who doesn’t have twitter sent this from her flight. It belongs on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/qG6d54V5Dd
— Alafair Burke (@alafairburke) July 15, 2019
8. Call the burn unit!
My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old.
Me: that’s not that old, I have sheets older than that.
Mother: well perhaps your sheets aren’t getting as much action as our coffee machine.
I’m going to need an ambulance.
— Calla Wahlquist (@callapilla) July 14, 2019
9. I’d watch it! Wait… I’m living it…
My husband and I would like to pitch an offshoot from the British Baking Show, called “We’ll Eat That.”
— Maria Bamford (@mariabamfoo) October 8, 2019
I'm sorry the what now pic.twitter.com/OpxK1FKiZY
— skępaniè (@goodhairperson) July 16, 2019
11. How about Tiny Tim? Or Iggy Pop?
jon bon jovi is literally the most insane name someone could give themselves
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) October 9, 2019
12. Who wants kids now?!
Between 3 and 5 AM my daughter poured ice water on my pillow and then screamed at me for not knowing the plot of the movie Abominable. Not sure when she joined a frat.
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) October 9, 2019
Snoopy's cousin Spike, aka Johny Depp. pic.twitter.com/seBPythe5s
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) October 11, 2019
Putting on and taking off a sports bra counts as exercise. Don’t @ me
— ??Imani Gandy Cane?? (@AngryBlackLady) October 9, 2019
That didn’t hurt much, did it? In fact, I bet it felt pretty good. I bet you even laughed a little.
Tell us which were your faves in the comments. Don’t delay!