We all love Twitter, right? In that way where we sort of hate it but we can’t leave it because it’s holding our endorphins hostage all the time?

Anyway, the point is, it’s the best worst, and it gives us the best worst stuff to enjoy, like such as these fourteen random tweets that are sure to tickle your brain parts.

14. Cash money

“It’s hard to dance when you’ve lost your wallet.” – Mitch Hedberg


13. Best buds

That moment when you realize that your kid is sick as heck.

12. Do the math

Double the soft! That’s 4x as many much as it would be if these were smaller! And infinity more than none!

11. Health conscious

You went too far, you made the medicine taste way too good.

10. Slap it

To be fair, pizza absolutely slaps and you shouldn’t correct him for saying so.

9. Trust the science

It’s funny because we are absolutely doomed.

8. Save the date

This is how you see someone around the block.

7. Who lives in a pineapple?

This tweet is an abomination before God and I’m sorry to have brought it to your eternal attention.

6. Bruh

This is the nominal innovation Deborah’s everywhere didn’t even realize they’ve been waiting for.

5. That’s a wrap

It’s not offensive if it’s a work of art.

4. Cheeky humour

…I need to have my eyes removed.

3. Those curves

I’d like a mirror, but I wouldn’t want it to be useful.

2. Double cross

At that point you’re in too deep.

1. The interloper

I’d like to be included.

Come back soon for more!

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.