Breaking news: Twitter is a place with a bunch of funny people on it who say funny stuff and you can read their jokes and laugh at them for free.

I know that’s exactly actual news, but all the actual news out there is horrible and terrifying, so I figured a friendly fake headline might make your day better.

For more on this story, we go to these fourteen funny tweets.

14. The real killer

Alright, pack it in, 2020 has jumped the shark.

13. Coping mechanisms

I like how you’ve got backups of most of them. That’s smart.

12. Wiped out

Just don’t go full Howie Mandel on us.

11. I’ve got a golden ticket

Remember to sleep head to foot.

10. Well-aged

I think if you hit 90 you should just get whatever you want.

9. On the right track

I’m afraid I can’t leaf this be.

8. What a crock

I’ll believe it when I see it.

7. Fit for a king

Yeah it’s basically a super food, you’re good.

6. No contest

Wait a minute, what exactly was the game here?

5. Origin stories

We can write history for our children.

4. Country roads

Welcome to our world, everybody.

3. Key to my heart

I’m guessing even a fake mac is at least $1,000.

2. Fear of missing out

It makes me feel very upper crust.

1. Going out with a bang

Ah the good old days when we all paid a 300% markup on our alcohol.

This concludes our main story for the night. Stay safe, and God bless.

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.