I was reminded the other day that you actually used to be able to use Twitter through text messages.
Like, there was this whole system through which you could send tweets using special codes via SMS. It’s hard to remember now why that would have been, but it probably has something to do with the fact that back when Twitter launched, having a stable and ubiquitous mobile app wasn’t such an easy thing to achieve.
In any case, that functionality is gone now, but the spirit of it lives on. That spirit that says no matter where we are, no matter what we’re doing, we need to be able to tweet, and to enjoy the tweets of others, otherwise we might miss out of gems like these.
14. A dash of love
When you’re both hungry AND thirsty.
my friend drunk texting the doordash driver i’m lmfao pic.twitter.com/XZtTYgM9FE
— dayna 😁 (@SHRUG_EMOTICON2) February 8, 2021
13. Strut your stuff
“Go home pigeons, this is fancy bird town.”
what strings did peacocks pull to be allowed to just vibe around the zoo?
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) February 10, 2021
12. See? Sure.
The market is literally flooded there Susie, take your product somewhere where demand outweighs supply.
man when you think about it, it's the worst possible place for her to sell seashells
— Alex Edelman (@AlexEdelman) February 11, 2021
11. Muscle man
Thanks, I now have a new thing to have nightmares about.
who decided that skeletons are scary bc honestly i'd be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room
— wobb ◂Ⓘ▸ 💙 (@Wobbuu) February 11, 2021
10. Van man
Hey that was me for a while!
The kids who drove mini vans in highschool are the backbone of our society
— Ethan (@boyscoutscookie) February 11, 2021
9. Neat trick
It’s true. Nobody knows why, but it’s true.
if u eat a bowl of cereal at a weird time the calories are 0
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) January 21, 2021
8. Raise a glass
Ironic that 2020, the year the glasses were perfect, was the worst new year ever.
Every year on NYE I think “no way they can turn this number into glasses” and every year I am wrong
— Lola Buncher (@bolaluncher) February 9, 2021
7. Ice cold
I can feel the pain in this image.
Literally no one:
Fish in grocery stores: pic.twitter.com/t5LzY0Omtt
— okay.g00gle and 3 others (@Jonatha90978988) January 14, 2019
6. The conundrum
You really feel like a king for that brief moment.
Night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.
— RandomFun! (@RandomFun_) June 30, 2019
5. True enough
When you’re absolutely determined not to learn from your mistakes.
WHY AM I BEING PUBLICLY SHAMED THIS WAY pic.twitter.com/lT8czdDAuA
— miguel (@hemiiisss) February 10, 2021
4. From the mouths of babes
And then everyone stood up and clapped.
I still remember when my 2 year old son was playing chess and held his rook in midair and said “daddy, why don’t the workers of the world unite? They have nothing to lose but their chains” and then put me in checkmate. I grounded him for a month.
— Dr. Bucky Isotope, IQ 188 (@BuckyIsotope) February 11, 2021
3. The perfect choice
Pop culture really stopped making sense a while ago.
Never forget The Weeknd was nominated for a Kids Choice Award for a song about doing so much cocaine that you can’t feel your face
— Joe Ali (@JoeAli) February 8, 2021
2. Surround sound
Do you coordinate that through some shared calendar app or?
Who dies surrounded by friends. Hey Mike come over I'm dying
— Harrison (@harriweinreb) February 12, 2021
1. Waffle around
Somebody get the secretary of transportation on the line.
bro i dont have time to explain just come over right fuckin now it’s important pic.twitter.com/IAzAznP3eO
— ⫷ sky ⫸ (@hannibalbareass) February 11, 2021
Check back soon for more great tweets!
What do you primarily use Twitter for?
Tell us in the comments.