15 Crazy Stories About “The First Time”

Everybody remembers the first time they had sex, but do we all remember the first time we had sex…solo?

It’s pretty much never an elegant or beautiful story. It’s weird. It’s awkward. It can be nice in the contexts of self-discover or coming of age, but in general, it’s just a big embarrassing…erm…mess.

So, let’s look back on it (fondly?) with these real anonymous stories from people about their first times.

15. In a barbie world

Welp.

14. Meeting him?

The whole world knows, they just don’t care.

13. A wonderful new invention!

Too bad you couldn’t make any money off of that.

12. Dire consequences

But that baby turned out to be the greatest blessing in disguise of my entire life.

11. A falling out

Well, did you?

10. Sharing is caring

I hope she was compassionate and understanding and put your mind at ease.

9. Do the shake

Oh, you’ll be chasing those kinds of demons for years to come.

8. It’s a hit!

Um…I don’t know what to say. 10 points to you?

7. Best of luck

If this were true then I’d be on a hot streak every minute of every day.

6. Broken it

Nah, it’s a lot more durable than that.

5. Soul or something

Now that’s a theology to a religion I’d rather not know anything more about.

4. It felt nice

Our bodies know these things before our brains do.

3. My number one time

Well I hope that didn’t put you off of it for too long.

2. Build a bear

I…I can’t make jokes about this. I am legally not allowed to make jokes about this.

1. Unfamiliar territory

How did you ever get past that assumption?

Do it right and you’ll be your own best friend.

What was your first time like?

Tell us in the comments if you dare.