Dating isn’t something most people enjoy, but it’s sort of a necessary evil if you don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life.
That said, if any of these 15 stories had happened to me, I think I would have figured that being alone was the least of my problems.
15. The one thing that’s worse than a wedding.
“Instead of rescheduling, one guy took me to a funeral on a first date. Then afterwards, while eating dinner, the conversation was so awkward due to nothing in common, I couldn’t even look him in the eye.”
14. This is so far from okay.
“We went to sushi and he just had to go back to his place before drinks. Turned out we had to go back to his place because he was afraid of public restrooms.
I sat alone in his living room listening to him straining while trying to p*op. He then realized he was out of toilet paper and texted me to grab him a roll from upstairs.
Let’s not even get into the smell. Literally the sh^ttiest date ever.”
13. That’s a Code Red.
“The guy who asked me out worked at a garage but he didn’t bother to shower before our date, so he showed up covered in grease.
The whole night was awful, but I eventually gave up after he said, ‘You ever hang out in hospitals? I like to. Maybe just because I’m turned on by blood.’
I cannot make this sh^t up.”
12. Pretty sure that’s an episode of Seinfeld.
“I was on a date with a guy from Tinder, and towards the end he asks me if I want to see his neighbor’s new puppy. So he calls them and says “yeah me and Stacey will be over soon.”
We just spent three hours together and he didn’t know my name was Perry.”
11. I hope you at least got free dinner.
“My date picked me up and drove us to a restaurant. When we got there he grabbed his backpack, which I thought was strange. He then specifically requested a table next to an outlet.
I soon found out what he needed his backpack and outlet for. I kid you not, he pulled out his laptop to show me a PowerPoint presentation on a pyramid scheme he wanted to recruit me for.
He spent the entire date trying to recruit me.”
10. And they had never discussed it before…
“I met up with this guy on Tinder and we seemed to click. Fast forward into the date and he disappeared and came back holding a sandwich-sized bag half full of what looked like broken glass.
Crack, my Tinder date had crack.
I politely declined his offer and then when I had the opportunity, made an exit.”
9. She’s like the female Sheldon Cooper.
“An older woman I used to work with decided to set me up with her son. He asked if I’d like to come over for dinner. This is not normally something I would agree to, but I did since I knew his mom. Turned out he still lived at home with her.
While I was planning my exit strategy, she got up and asked, ‘Would you two like some privacy for coitus?’ I thanked them for a lovely meal and made up a lie about how I had to leave.
I never felt comfortable around her at work again.”
8. That is the opposite of how Valentine’s Day works.
“I had been dating this guy and was really falling for him. He said he wanted to plan everything for our Valentine’s Day date. He loved astronomy, so he picked a spot and brought a small telescope and showed me all the constellations. I was on cloud nine.
I changed into something sexy and invited him in. He got undressed, got in bed, and then told me he couldn’t do this anymore. He basically got undressed to break up with me.
He said I deserved a really nice Valentine’s date before he did it.”
7. Definitely take the money and run.
“Not only was the guy I met up with not the person in his pictures, he told me I looked different than what he expected, and offered me gas money to leave.”
6. Also a Seinfeld episode.
“I had had my eye on this guy for a while. After a few weeks of flirting he finally asked me to go to a gig with him on a date. We went to the gig and were having a good time, when suddenly HIS PARENTS SHOW UP! Turned out he had invited them because he wanted me to meet them….ON OUR FIRST DATE!
Afterwards he called me continuously and I asked him to back off but he didn’t, so I called it off completely. This ended with him begging me to change my mind by screaming ‘I’M A COOL PERSON!'”
5. I mean now I just want to know whether or not he did.
“Things were pretty normal during the first half of the night, but then things got weird. He sat next to me in the restaurant booth and proceeded to slide a butter knife up and down my thigh.
He then went on to ask what my response would be if he told me he had five d%cks.
Yeah, never saw that guy again.”
4. Oh man on a first date what in the hell.
“I agreed to meet up with a guy I knew through mutual friends. We decided to drive around for about an hour, just talking and getting to know one another. It was going well so we started making out. He then whispered to me, ‘Would you pee in my mouth…with a funnel?’
Luckily my cousin texted me and I said I had to leave. As he got out of the car he asked me how much I usually pee so he could go buy me a funnel at the store.
I blocked him as soon as he got out of my car.”
3. At least he waited to make sure you weren’t alone.
“This guy I met at a bar took me to a Chinese place for dinner. We ordered a bunch of different things and shared it all. My face started to get really red and I broke out in hives. By the time we got to the car, I was struggling to breathe and I asked him to take me home.
Well, I went into full blown anaphylactic shock and stopped breathing in the car. Apparently I was allergic to almonds and didn’t know it, and we ordered almond chicken.
He had enough sense to take me to the ER. I woke up a few hours later to him sitting in the corner of the room looking horrified and apologizing profusely because during all the commotion they ripped off my shirt and bra and he saw my bo*bs.
Once my roommates got there he bolted never to be heard from again.”
2. All of this just makes me want to give him a hug.
“He showed up dressed like Superman — white button-up over a blue Superman T-shirt, Clark Kent hair, glasses — and took me out to sushi…thought I told him several times that I was a vegetarian. At dinner, he spilled sake all over me.
He also pulled out his digital camera to show me photos of the trip to Europe he had taken with his mother five years ago. And then, while he was driving me home, he told me his goal was to have a relationship like Leo and Kate in Titanic.”
1. That is just wrong.
“I allowed my friend from college to set me up on a date, which ended up being a group date out on a lake. My date, Austin, was plastered by the afternoon and we all decided to go for a swim.
At one point during the swim he got very quiet. The group looked in his direction, and we noticed his face looked like that of a constipated child. His friend yelled: ‘Get in the boat, now!’ Moments later, we saw a very large t*rd float to the surface next to Austin.
Austin laughingly got back in the boat and acted as if nothing happened.”
Yikes! I am secondhand cringing so fre*king hard!
Do you have any stories that can rival these? Tell us the dirty deets!