Nerd alert!

I’m just kidding, I’m one of you! A Potter-head, if you will. And I got a huge kick out of these jokes that poke fun at the Harry Potter universe.

And we think you will, too.

Enjoy, all you Muggles out there!

1. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.


2. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?

Because he only has followers, not friends.

3. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?

Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.


4. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?

Up his sleeve-y!

5. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?

Because he can’t control his pupils.

Mad Eye Moody

6. A wizard walks into a pub…

…and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He turns to the witch next to him and says, “So, do I come here often?”

7. Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub…

The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”

The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

Hungarian Horntail

8. A Muggle walks into the Hog’s Head Inn…

…with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool, where’d you get it?”

“London,” the frog croaks. “They’ve got millions of ‘em!”

9. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?

A mechanic.


10. Why does Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

11. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?

They’re both cauld ron.

Harry Potter Studio Tour

12. Which side of a centaur has more hair?

The outside.

13. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?

Because she gives him hugs and hisses.

14. Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?

Because he has a Longbottom.

Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter)

15. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?

Pretty fire jokes, right?

What did you think? What were your faves?

Let us know in the comments!