We’re all familiar with the term “red flags” when it comes to relationships. The little (or huge) warning signs that we’d prefer to ignore so we can just keep things going with someone whom we know deep down isn’t good for us. And while it’s doubtlessly important to keep an eye out for such things, we shouldn’t dwell on them all the time. Let’s look at something a little happier today. Like, say, green flags:
This post in r/AskReddit garnered over 10,000 responses. Here are some of the highlights:
1. Love is unhurried.
You don’t feel like you’re competing for their time. You’re just loved. Even when they are busy, you don’t have to worry.
People think you need to spend all your time with someone. You don’t. But the feeling of being loved removes any jealousy or insecurities.
You just know it’s good
2. You can be you.
When you like the person that you become when you’re with them.
Everyone projects a different version of themselves around different people and if you don’t like who you become when you’re with someone, it’s probably not going to be the healthiest relationship.
Your SO should bring out the best in you.
3. Burdens are cut in half.
If it’s a chore you both hate, you do it together.
My late husband and I both HATED folding laundry, but it had to be done. So we always did it together. Made the chore less of a pain.
4. You can love through anger.
No matter how angry you are at one another. You will still go out of your way or they go out of their way to help.
I’ll be wicked pissed, but I’ll angrily make my wife her favorite dinner even though I don’t want to eat. No matter how angry we are at one another (usually only last a short period of time) we will never sabotage or try to teach them a lesson. Many times, it ends up being both apologizing to one another.
Arguing and getting angry is just part of a relationship and unavoidable. It is how you deal with it that’s sets it apart from a healthy relationship versus a bad one.
5. Surprise each other.
Came home from working a 12 hour shift one night to a full dinner with my favorite dessert.
Never had a girlfriend just decide to cook me a full meal for me to come home to like that.
6. Forgiveness is key.
Able to forgive mistakes.
Early in our relationship I accidentally backed my car into my Fiance’s car while coming out of the driveway. I definitely did damage. I immediately started freaking out and crying and he just calmly got out of his car, came up to mine and asked if I was okay.
He got me to calm down and said it was fine it was just an accident. He never made me feel bad about it. He called it our little bump to my friends to minimize my embarrassment.
We laugh about it to this day. – KinickieNoodle
7. Don’t be a tease.
My ex would tease me a lot and would tease me in front of his family. He would say things like “Oh she changed her outfit 3 times because she thought you guys would judge her.” Or “She didn’t really want to come over but I convinced her.” He would be laughing and joking but these things would be the truth!
When I was going to meet my current boyfriend’s family I was really nervous! In the car I said “Please don’t tell them how nervous I am, it’s so embarrassing!” He looked at me in shock and said “I’m on YOUR side! Why would I tell them that?” And it was like a freaking lightbulb! Love this guy 🙂
8. Nobody’s perfect.
When your SO takes criticism from you seriously without immediately trying to turn it back on you.
If the converse is also true, you two stand a great chance of going the distance.
9. Have a good thing to say.
10. Remember the best medicine.
And also: I’ve been with my partner for 40 years (this month!) and I still smile when I see him across a room.
He still makes me laugh and my heart soars when I think of him.
11. Love is in the details.
Listening to you and remembering the things you’ve said.
Back when me and my boyfriend started dating, he’d sometimes bring up things that I’ve said before (ex: my favorite foods, candies, etc.).
Made me super happy and could tell he genuinely cared.
12. Talk to each other.
They communicate if they will be delayed and how long they will be.
Talk things through BEFORE it becomes a screaming match. Not after.
Asks about boundaries/traumas and doesn’t judge you for them, but instead respects them.
13. Stay in touch.
Calling/texting just to see how you’re doing, even if they don’t need anything.
14. Take it point by point.
• genuine interest in each other’s hobbies (don’t have to do them, but at least support it)
• strong communication
• you feel like you’re hanging out with your best friend…except you wanna smash.
15. And of course, the ultimate test of character:
Putting the shopping cart back
We should remember to recognize and celebrate the good in our lives and the good in each other. It’s what makes this whole crazy thing worthwhile!
What are some other things you would add to this list?
Tell us in the comments.