Been staying away from Twitter lately? Don’t blame ya. It’s a mess out there. Lucky for you, we’ve got a collection of some of the best recent tweets that you can peruse without wading through any of the garbage! Horray!
Enjoy 15 of the best newer tweets on the interwebs.
15. Special delivery
The “fee for not having enough fees” fee is where they really getcha.
Why drive 8 minutes when I can spend an extra $43 to have the food delivered to my door step?
— Slater (@brandonslaterr) May 13, 2020
This time you get to experience it without homework.
My cell phone screen is cracked, I wear basketball shorts every day, I’ve put on ten pounds, and I’m deathly afraid of the people I live with walking in on me jerking off. This quarantine has turned me back into a college freshman.
— Justin Halpern (@justin_halpern) May 19, 2020
13. Sweat, baby
I hate sweat and I hate pants but I love sweatpants. Who knew.
I never imagined living my best life would involve so many sweatpants.
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) May 19, 2020
12. Avocado love
Damn millennials are at it again.
my grandkids: so what did grandma do in the quarantine of 2020?
my diary: https://t.co/4ZmKUJmH5l
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 19, 2020
11. Pro procrastinator
I’m definitely gonna get around to doing something eventually, mark my words
Some personal news! As of this morning, an administrative task I put off for four (4) months is now complete; it took me 8 minutes and was painless.
— Caroline Moss (@CarolineMoss) May 12, 2020
10. Greet-seeking missile
We’re gonna getcha.
“i hope this email finds you,” she threatened
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) May 11, 2020
9. Isolation gossip
Oh, anxiety, you rascal.
okay I can’t shake the feeling that everybody hates me and I haven’t even seen another person in two months
— Melissa Lozada-Oliva (@ellomelissa) May 11, 2020
8. It me
The gift that keeps on giving.
so my grandma gifted these to her daughters for Mother’s Day ?? pic.twitter.com/VtEvOm1X1i
— ??? (@_melcheyenne) May 11, 2020
7. Running simulations
This is normal, but therapy couldn’t hurt.
Does anyone else make up fake scenarios every night when they’re trying to sleep or do I need therapy
— Alice (@alicebrigs) May 10, 2020
6. The clips
It always hurt and I always did it anyway.
me in childhood without any reason pic.twitter.com/NPtkDvxkNu
— finn ✨ (@finnapis) May 5, 2020
I do this too and I hate every second of it, why does this app exist?
tik tok truly paralyzes me like i’ll watch it for 45 minutes in whatever position i was in when i opened it. the stillness of a lizard in danger
— charlie (@chunkbardey) April 18, 2020
4. Follow old Rafiki…
…he knows the way.
This pipe almost gave me a heart attack. For a second I thought Rafiki from the Lion King was living under my backyard. pic.twitter.com/yChuvQDIwu
— Johnny Rowland (@JohnnyRowlands) May 15, 2020
3. Rat ’em out
I feed my internet DAILY so that it grows up FAST and STRONG.
I Wish FaceTime Told you whose Connection is Actually Poor so people can Stop Trying Me
— King Coop ??✊? (@__AyeeCoop) May 12, 2020
2. Brace yourself
I’ve gotten to the point where I ignore fully 3/4 of the my phone notifications.
i don’t know who he is, or why hes making bracelets, but i’ve woken up at 4am to say good for him. you make those bracelets. hell yeah man. pic.twitter.com/JMWuvw0XZl
— ky ? black lives matter (@actuallykylee) May 14, 2020
1. The collapse
I don’t know what’s sadder; that someone made this or that I keep watching it on a loop.
the collapse pic.twitter.com/FKkFAk642H
— Crawford M Horton (@broiledcrawfish) May 17, 2020
Give these funny folks a follow if you want some more. They’re clearly living their best lives and giving us the greatest gift of all: internets.
Who do you follow on Twitter right now?
Share your favs in the comments.