It’s no secret that us guys aren’t exactly the most graceful when it comes to s*x.
We have very little going on in our heads during, and after, we basically get a brain reboot and you have no idea WHAT you’re gonna get. Combine that with a certain set of fellas who aren’t the most thoughtful to begin with, and the result is…well, the result is this Reddit thread.
There are over 8,000 responses.
They’re as bad as you think.
Here are just 15 examples.
1. So close, but so far.
OOOH boy… I was hooking up with this guy in his on-campus apartment, which he shared with his brother. Brother wasn’t home, so we were doing the do with the bedroom door open (not smart anyway). Brother comes home in the middle of it, sees straight through the hallway into the room. He fumbles around and then leaves.
I’m embarrassed and kinda want to get outta there but he wants to finish so I think what the hell, his brother left anyway so why not. I wonder if he’s close to cumming so I ask, “are you close?” And he responds with, “Yeah, we’re brothers”
2. This is generations of cringe.
I gave a dude a blowjob and apparently he’d never come from one before (who knows If that was true)
Anyway, after he goes, “oh my god. That was amazing. I thought there was something wrong with me. You need to have daughters”
Yes, my mother taught me about sex, birth control, and how to suck dick.
3. It’s a simple question…
Ive said a lot of stupid shit. The worst was probably “Do you like egg sandwiches?”
Its a full brain re-boot, sometimes programs load up to desktop before we have a chance to close them.
4. What exactly is this supposed to mean?
He told me, with all the sincerity in the world as some weird complement: “You would make a great single mother.”
5. This guy came prepared.
“Mind if I hit this?” And then he pulled out a vape pen he’d hidden under the bed. My bed. Specifically for this reason.
6. Some of these just come out of nowhere.
I had sex with a guy I dated for a few months and afterwards he said “your vagina is smaller than other vaginas I’ve had sex with.”
I just responded with “thanks?” I wasn’t sure if it was a compliment, criticism, or a mere observation.
7. Why you gotta be so rude?
“Hey, don’t tell anyone about last night. I get enough sh*t for being vegan.”
A phrase that has stuck with me for 10+ years. Not so much “dumb” as just cruel..
8. Does he know that song was supposed to be ironic?
He played, “I Just Had Sex” by the Lonely Island while on the phone with his best friend.
With me still in the bed …when we JUST lost our virginities to each other.
9. Phrasing is important.
“Okay are we done?”
I guess he was too afraid to ask whether or not I came and that was his way of doing it.
10. That’s not how this works.
Me: gives blowjob
Guy: did you cum babe?
11. Sounds like you’ve got an exhibitionist on your hands.
his window was open during the deed & when we got done he closed it and said “i really hope someone heard that”
12. You can’t leave your partner hanging.
My ex-boyfriend said to me during our first and only sexual encounter “sh*t my stepdad’s home!”
Before he ran to his en-suite bathroom to hide. He left me lying there naked and really pissed.
13. This is just sad for everybody.
Dumb, and sh*tty: “I guess you can only f*ck so many people before you realize you still hate yourself.”
14. You gotta know better timing than this…
Years ago I(f) had a roommate/best friend(m) who right after sex told his girlfriend he thought they shouldn’t see each other any more.
I heard a thud and then a scream in a high pitched squeal “wtf do you mean” from across the house.
He later told me he was going to tell her but she was in the mood and he didn’t want to interrupt her.
So he waited until they were finished. I was like “dude, nooo”.
15. What can we say except…
A guy once said “you’re welcome” after he was finished.
It was quick and so uneventful I was just completely shocked. Like thanks dude for fucking me?
I just started laughing and I never hooked up with him again.
– [user deleted]
Here’s hoping everyone in this thread has gone on to have better encounters. What a load of yikes.
Have you had an experience like this?
Tell us about it in the comments.