When you think about it, it’s really amazing the lengths most of us go to just to try to have s*x.
It’s especially amazing when you consider that s^x isn’t even always that great; it can be mediocre, or bad, or in some cases – really funny.
Which isn’t the goal, but maybe a weird side bonus?
This is the subject that came under scrutiny when user Gymtoshi97 took to r/AskReddit:
The thread contains over 6,000 tittering tales of s*xual hilarity. Here are a few we’ve collected and titled for your comed-erotic reading pleasure. (Probably needless to say, but these are NSFW.)
1. My Self Service
This girl was going down on me for a bit and after she gets tired she comes to give me a kiss.
I whisper to her “now its my turn”, and she looks at me with the most confused look of disgust and says “what….?
You’re gonna suck your own d%ck??”
2. The Daring Escape
It was a lovely summer evening and my parents were out shopping. After calculating the time I have left I invited my girlfriend over. (we were 16 y.o at that time) After we started having s^x on the couch, my parents suddenly came back and my naked GF jumped out of the window, straight to the garden.
I couldn’t find a reasonable explanation for why am I naked, the window is open and plants which were on the windowsill are now on the floor.
I’ve never been that embarrassed in my life.
3. The Great Fall
Turns out the headboard was exactly the right height to sit on for a bj.
Turns out the headboard wasn’t strong enough to hold his weight.
4. Man’s Best Friend
One time I thought I had closed the door but my dog is smart AF and got it open, trotted up to the bed, and gave my boyfriend’s foot a quick lick.
He was so startled he yelled “WTF WHY” and the dog, feeling guilty, came to where I was laying and tried to get forgiveness pets by shoving at my arm.
I was wheezing from laughter
5. The Discovery
Either first or second time I had s^x with my ex, we’d literally just finished, as in I hadn’t even pulled out of her yet and her Mum walks in.
We both freeze and I daren’t look because her Mum was a bit fierce and all I hear is ‘Oh, I thought you were just friends’ and then the door close again.
My ex bursts out laughing and about five minutes later I hear her Mum on the phone telling her sister.
6. The Bonding
My chest and hers came together in exactly the right way to form a vacuum.
When we changed position, there was this cartoon-like shhhhhhmack when we pulled apart.
It killed the mood and we both broke down in fits of giggles.
7. (Insert Your Own Obvious p*ssy Joke Here)
As I was going down on my wife, the cat decided it would be a good time to climb and sit on top of my head.
I tried to ignore it, but when she looked down she started laughing so hard that it killed the mood for the rest of the night
8. The Cover-up
We were doing the deed and the guy felt a F*rt coming. To his credit he warned me and tried to cover the noise…by singing in a high pitched voice.
For a solid 10 seconds he was F*rting machine gun style while yodeling loudly.
Still not the worst s^x I’ve had.
9. Getting Your Kicks
I had gone over to this guys house wearing my new vans shoes (I was in high-school, so these $50 shoes were my Sunday’s best).
We went upstairs and started going at it. He was behind me and I was facing the window to the backyard.
Like five minutes in I see his dog run into the backyard and tear one of my new shoes apart all over the grass.
I thought it was so funny I couldn’t even be upset, I miss that dog.
10. The Rainbow Connection
We were 17, girlfriends playlist was going in her car, we were in the trunk so we couldn’t reach the phone playing the music.
Sappy love song, sappy love song, alt rock song, rock song, and then…. Kermit the Frog.
I have no idea what the song was because i was too busy having s^x for like the third time ever but she started laughing and i stopped and laughed for a second and she looked at it like she was going to change it but i lowed right through, so we f*cked to kermit the frog.
11. One Step Closer
My girlfriend was on top and her her Fitbit starts going off. She looks at it and throws her hands up and says “Yes! I met my steps goal!”
12. Best Buds
This is with my current SO. A few months ago we were getting hot and heavy and his absolute best friend called in the middle of it.
Without missing a beat my boo answered the call, still thrusting. His friend was inviting us both out to go eat brunch.
Watching this man just smiling down at me trying his absolute best not to make it sound like he’s having s^x WHILE STILL VERY MUCH HAVING IT and talking about his favorite food made me laugh my ass off.
Needless to say we never finished but f*ck it made my day.
13. C is For…
Boyfriend was going down on me, he started doing a cookie monster impression while he was down there.
Made me laugh so hard i let out a little F*rt right on his face.
14. Parallel Universes
One of the very first times I ever had s*x, I looked out my window to see my neighbor having s^x with his girlfriend he noticed me and nodded wassup midstroke.
Later found out that the girl he was having s*x with at that moment was my neighbor from the house that I had just moved away from like 6 months prior.
My new neighbor was f*cking my old neighbor and I saw them while having s^x with my girlfriend.
15. The Actually Super Sweet Story
She passed out while on top of me right before I had to leave so I couldn’t get up.
And that was the first time I’ve ever used a sick day at work.
These are all great but personally I can’t stop laughing at number 8. What an absolute legend.
Do you have any funny s^x stories?
Share ’em in the comments, ya filthy animals.