There’s an interesting term that’s come to my attention: serial monogamist.
Apparently it just means a person who’s with a lot of people, but like, one at a time. Not much of a break in between.
Now, every single time a relationship ends for me, I assume a new one will never arise and spend 2+ years practicing to be a monk, so folks who behave this way are a mystery.
Let’s see if we can figure out what’s going on with the help of some insights from Redditors.
1. “It feels so sad.”
Its not a healthy trait to keep bouncing off from one relationship to another. It goes to show that people are afraid of being alone or always codependent on a partner for happiness. Many do this cause its a short term solution to move on quickly and not deal with breakups in a healthy manner.
But since you asked, I know some people who keep backups through online dating or from work or friend circle. Many also keep looking for someone better while in a relationship and when they do find that someone, they break up to go to the newer option. F*ck just typing this feels so sad.
2. The potential dating network.
Having hobbies. You can meet so many people that way.
I recommend going in with the intent to just make some friends- if you’re desperate it’s going to show, and desperation is not attractive.
Having friends gives you a support network, and a potential dating network.
3. “Not particularly ethical.”
I have a friend who I’ve known since we were about 8. She has not been single for more than a week since we were 16.
She maintains this by not breaking up with the previous guy until she has a new one lined up to take his place.
Not particularly ethical but it stops her being single which she hates.
4. Go for broke.
They’re consumed by the idea of being alone so they put extra effort into not letting that happen.
Kinda like going from being fired from a job to another job so you don’t become broke
5. Come a little closer.
I literally starting dating the guy who sat next to me at work after I broke up with my ex.
Strangely enough, my ex also sat next to me at work at a different job, so I guess I just choose whoever is physically closest to me.
6. Jealous much?
My roommate is one of these people. I’m convinced he’s a sex addict. And misses out on a lot of other (potentially mind expanding) experiences because he’s lonely and wants to f*ck someone.
Or maybe I’m just jealous that he bangs all the babes
7. “They found me.”
I was a “serial monogamist” for awhile. Important to note that this is “serial”, not “parallel”. No cheating, no “overlap” – just not a lot of time between ending one relationship and starting another.
It was always somebody I already knew. Usually somebody I hadn’t really thought about like that or figured they wouldn’t be interested in me anyway.
The relationship ending was almost always not what I wanted. That is to say, I got dumped. I wasn’t shopping around for somebody new and sabotaging myself.
I didn’t go looking for somebody else to date. They found me. Given the choice I’d have preferred more time. But when this kind of thing happens you don’t get to just be like “thanks for your interest, can you come back in a couple months?” The spark is here now, your choices are to see where it goes or not. I don’t regret making that choice. I would have always wondered.
8. Craving change.
I knew a girl like this in school. In those 4 years she had 5 boyfriends and I had none. Since school she has been engaged twice and has changed careers several times.
I on the other hand have had 1 boyfriend and 1 career path. Some people crave change or have a lower bar for entry.
One is not better than the other. People live their lives differently. I was jealous of her at the time but knowing myself her life would have been too chaotic for me.
9. Searching for contentment.
People think they need to find the happiness that doesn’t exist in their lives in somebody else.
They aren’t content with who they are, so they validate themselves by the presence of another
10. For some people…
Being an attractive, nerdy, outgoing woman with a healthy love for booze and working in a male-dominated field pretty much meant I was surrounded by dudes who were interested in me ever since I got to college. Met them in class, at work, online gaming, at bars. Almost every single one was my friend first.
I feel like I’ll marry my current boyfriend, and I have to say I’ve had practice at seeing if something will work out — in the last 13 years I’ve had 6 serious relationships and a whole lot of less-serious ones. During the last few I made sure to force myself to be single for a while so that I’d not fall into any co-dependencies the next time around, which happily has worked (well, except for the booze, but I’m doing better on that front too). I’m significantly more emotionally balanced than I was even just three years ago; I think it’s possible my (then untreated) anxiety was spurring me along a lot more then.
11. One is done.
At the end of most relationships, one person is already well-past over it before the breakup happens.
In that case, all of the hovering relationship suiters finally see an opening. In some cases that’s while the relationship is still going, in some cases it is in the relationship change status, in others it is when the newly-single person finally feels free to hang out with people previously blocked.
When I was single, I had a mental list of who I would love to go on a date with as soon as they became single. We were friended, worked together, or already had common interests. Due to that, once an opening presented, it was time to declare intent.
12. The first date merry-go-round.
Before covid, the longest stretch I had between relationships was around 2 months.
Typically, I’d end up in a new relationship with a friend of a friend, acquaintances and the like that had found me desirable but couldn’t act on it because I wasn’t single. Once I was single they’d start flirting and if we clicked…
A few times I ended up with someone I worked with, for the same reasons as above.
When that didn’t happen I’d end up getting on the ‘first date merry-go-round’ via dating sites until I met someone I clicked with, which usually didn’t take more than a few tries.
I’m apparently a mystery. Women found me interesting because my mind worked differently from what they were used to, I treated them with respect without being a pushover and they couldn’t ‘figure me out’ easily, which led to them falling for me.
By the same token, once they figured out the mystery (which usually took 1 to 2 years) they’d soon find me to be “boring and predictable” and that would signal the start of them falling out of love with me and I’d be back to square one.
14. The pursued.
They’re the one coming to me, if they didn’t i would just be lonely.
15. Wait, what?
You mean you don’t keep spares in your basement?
All very insightful. Except for that last one.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
Share them with us in the comments.