I don’t know how to flirt. No idea. Seriously, I just stare and then scream and then run. It’s never worked.
Maybe I can get some tips from the people of Reddit. The kind that are so bad at flirting they flipped back over to good again.
Let’s see if any of these might work?
1. Honest Abe
Hey girl, are you Abraham Lincoln?
Because you’re causing an uprising down south.
2. No bones about it
I saw someone say on here one time (not to me, in a pick up line post)
“Your bone structure gives my bone structure”.
That has lived in my head rent free ever since.
3. Spell it out
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d make sure I came after U.
4. You’re toast
D**n girl are you a toaster cuz I wanna take a bath w/ you
5. A good fit
Feel my shirt.
Want to know what it’s made of?
That got a date.
6. Hot coffee
Are you my pinky toe because I wanna bang you on my coffee table
7. Weight a minute
Sit on my face and I’ll guess your weight.
If I’m wrong, I’ll eat the difference
8. Park it
Girl, are you a parking ticket?
Cause you got FINE written all over you.
9. Pizza party
Wanna get pizza and f**k?
What? You don’t like pizza?
10. Do the math
I wish I was your derivative so I could be tangent to those curves
11. We have the meats
D**n, boy. Are you Arby’s? Because nothing else in this airport is open, and I’m still oddly interested…
“I see you’re drinking 1 %. Is that because you think you’re fat? Because you’re not, you could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”
13. Yabba dabba doo
My name may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.
14. Balancing act
“when I saw you walk by it was like I was at the atm…..I had to check my balance”
15. Name it
You like my name?
Then you should hear my phone number.
16. Paving the way
Someone said this to my best friend about 25 years ago and I still smile when I think about it:
“I’m like… a dirt road, and you’re like… paved”.
17. Trashy classy
“D**n girl you look like trash. Want me to take you out?”
18. Cover stories
Hey, if you need a ‘fake’ boyfriend for the night, just point at me and wave
If you need a real one for tomorrow, call me
19. Thank you for your service
Hey baby, you wanna play Army?
I’ll lay down and you can blow the h**l out of me.
20. Nothing personal
If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
21. Count on me
“Wanna count shoulders?”
(You then proceed to count yours, then the other persons. At four, you’ll have your arm around them.)
22. To the place where I belong
guy: country roooaaaaddd
girl: take me hooommme
guy: ok, if you insist
best pickup line i’ve ever seen
This one of mine has gotten mixed reviews:
Are you interested in physical labour that involves the extraction of minerals or metals from the earth?
Because I wanna make you mine.
I can’t feel my penis!
25. Intergalactic planetary
Did you know that after tonight there will only be 7 planets left in the solar system?
Cause I’m gonna destroy Uranus.
26. Local news
Are you from Tennessee?
‘Cause you’re the only ten I see.
27. Oh, I see
Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Cuz I can see myself in your pants
28. Wants and needs
“Got a boyfriend?”
29. To the breach
Did it hurt?
Did what hurt?
Did it hurt when you ascended from h**l and breached the earth’s crust?
30. Caught ya
“do you know what is different from a shower curtain to a toilet paper”
“so it was you”
31. Pump it up
“Are you lil pumps music? Cause I’ll NEVER play you.”
32. Playing my tune
“You like jazz? If so, you should see my sacksophone”
33. Combo breaker
You’re like a combo of cute and hot, like a cot.
I just wanna lay on top of you and be sore in the morning.
34. Food for thought
I have had surprising success with the following two
wanna get McDonald’s and f**k?
I believe we are what we eat and by tomorrow morning I intend to be you
35. Unnatural abilities
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? … Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying
So, will any of those work?
No. Absolutely not. Obviously.
Do you have any pickup lines you like?
Share them with us in the comments.