I don’t know how to flirt. No idea. Seriously, I just stare and then scream and then run. It’s never worked.

Maybe I can get some tips from the people of Reddit. The kind that are so bad at flirting they flipped back over to good again.

What’s a pickup line so bad it’s awesome?
by inAskReddit

Let’s see if any of these might work?

1. Honest Abe

Hey girl, are you Abraham Lincoln?

Because you’re causing an uprising down south.

– That1Niftyguy

2. No bones about it

I saw someone say on here one time (not to me, in a pick up line post)

“Your bone structure gives my bone structure”.

That has lived in my head rent free ever since.

– shartnado3

3. Spell it out

If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d make sure I came after U.

– myonkin

4. You’re toast

D**n girl are you a toaster cuz I wanna take a bath w/ you

– Captan-Seahawks

5. A good fit

Feel my shirt.

Want to know what it’s made of?

Boyfriend material.

That got a date.

– leese216

6. Hot coffee

Are you my pinky toe because I wanna bang you on my coffee table

– dangerburns880

7. Weight a minute

Sit on my face and I’ll guess your weight.

If I’m wrong, I’ll eat the difference

– dangerburns880

8. Park it

Girl, are you a parking ticket?

Cause you got FINE written all over you.

– -Quagmire

9. Pizza party

Wanna get pizza and f**k?

​What? You don’t like pizza?

– kU5mFDpzv6rpY3pQ

10. Do the math

I wish I was your derivative so I could be tangent to those curves

– jaws3227

11. We have the meats

D**n, boy. Are you Arby’s? Because nothing else in this airport is open, and I’m still oddly interested…

– rumpelsKILLskin

12. Dynamite

“I see you’re drinking 1 %. Is that because you think you’re fat? Because you’re not, you could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”


– beddyby12

13. Yabba dabba doo

My name may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.

– RuneSwoggle

14. Balancing act

“when I saw you walk by it was like I was at the atm…..I had to check my balance”

– triggeranimal

15. Name it

You like my name?

Then you should hear my phone number.

– SuperJF45

16. Paving the way

Someone said this to my best friend about 25 years ago and I still smile when I think about it:

“I’m like… a dirt road, and you’re like… paved”.

– knockoutroundtwo

17. Trashy classy

“D**n girl you look like trash. Want me to take you out?”

– manny00778

18. Cover stories

Hey, if you need a ‘fake’ boyfriend for the night, just point at me and wave

If you need a real one for tomorrow, call me

– Vantahate

19. Thank you for your service

Hey baby, you wanna play Army?

I’ll lay down and you can blow the h**l out of me.

– ItsMyView

20. Nothing personal

If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

– stinkpalm

21. Count on me

“Wanna count shoulders?”

(You then proceed to count yours, then the other persons. At four, you’ll have your arm around them.)

– Starfall669

22. To the place where I belong

guy: country roooaaaaddd

girl: take me hooommme

guy: ok, if you insist

best pickup line i’ve ever seen

– FapuccinoWithCream

23. Minecraft

This one of mine has gotten mixed reviews:

Are you interested in physical labour that involves the extraction of minerals or metals from the earth?

Because I wanna make you mine.

– SendMeSpuds

24. Feelin’

I can’t feel my penis!

Can you?

– Ecstatic_Literature1

25. Intergalactic planetary

Did you know that after tonight there will only be 7 planets left in the solar system?

Cause I’m gonna destroy Uranus.

– nokittythatsmypie

26. Local news

Are you from Tennessee?

‘Cause you’re the only ten I see.

– jeff_the_nurse

27. Oh, I see

Is that a mirror in your pocket?

Cuz I can see myself in your pants

– DannyShah05

28. Wants and needs

“Got a boyfriend?”

Girl: “no”

“Want one?”

– Render_21

29. To the breach

Did it hurt?

Did what hurt?

Did it hurt when you ascended from h**l and breached the earth’s crust?

– captainkunkka604

30. Caught ya

“do you know what is different from a shower curtain to a toilet paper”


“so it was you”

– kingzmen909

31. Pump it up

“Are you lil pumps music? Cause I’ll NEVER play you.”

– bruhno293

32. Playing my tune

“You like jazz? If so, you should see my sacksophone”

– custardjongen

33. Combo breaker

You’re like a combo of cute and hot, like a cot.

I just wanna lay on top of you and be sore in the morning.

– bigfoot343

34. Food for thought

I have had surprising success with the following two

wanna get McDonald’s and f**k?

I believe we are what we eat and by tomorrow morning I intend to be you

– Askdrillsarge

35. Unnatural abilities

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? … Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying

– Jeffatron123

So, will any of those work?

No. Absolutely not. Obviously.

Do you have any pickup lines you like?

Share them with us in the comments.