The first time is challenging, scary, and kind of uncomfortable. I’m talking about SEX, in case you were wondering.
Everyone has a different experience, but I think it’s safe to say you should know what to do and what you definitely SHOULD NOT do, as well.
“What’s the WORST sex advice you can give to a first-timer?”
Let’s see what the good people of AskReddit had to say. And remember, DON’T listen to this advice. And, this article is NSFW, by the way.
1. Don’t make a peep.
“Don’t make a single sound throughout the entire session.”
2. Oh, boy.
“For the boys, you wanna try and incorporate the Mickey Mouse voice and giggle as much as you can. Don’t smile or address it tho.”
“Ladies, you gotta make low-pitched, guttoral sounds while inhaling – Like a fresh zombie in the walking dead. Don’t be shy about farts neither, NOW is the time!”
3. Not cool at all.
“Shout out her best friend or sister’s name during penetration.
They especially love it as you’re nutting.”
“Get naked but keep your socks and shoes on.
I have special Crocs for the occasion.”
“Guys are like lawnmowers, to get them started you have to grab their dicks and yank hard.”
“If you dont want to get pregnant, do it at night when the sperm are sleeping.”
7. She’ll really like that.
“If the girl tells you to keep going just like that.
Disregard and speed it up/ slow it down, to put a cherry on top.”
8. You want to be first!
“Try to get off as fast as you can it’s a race and you want first not second.”
9. A pro tip.
“The vagina is roughly in the middle of the stomach and surprisingly shallow.”
“It feels better if you poke holes in the condom.”
11. Not true.
“Virgins don’t get pregnant during the first time.
My little brother’s girlfriend is pregnant because he was a dumbass and unironically believed that. Yet “coincidentally”, he vanished for the two months after we made that discovery.
He was hiding out in a Motel 6. Where he got the money to afford that for 2 months at a $25 per night rate, who knows. Apparently, his grandma gave it to him because he convinced her to (he was adopted, that’s why I said his grandma).
I gave him the talk about being a father, seeing as our older sister had kids and I watch them a lot, which I think makes me a semi-father to them. I told him that I’d be willing to help with his kids too if he ever needed help and he said he’d think about it (his way of telling me to fuck off).”
“Keep your nails long and sharp, skip all sort of foreplay because it’s a waste of time, and then proceed to stick it in raw, balls deep.
Also when you’re finished, don’t forget to roll on your side and get some sleep.”
13. Two things.
“Shower sex is always a good idea.
And, sex and sand go together well.”
14. Advice from Mom.
“While giving me ‘the talk’, my mother told me oral sex was unpleasant for women, giving and receiving alike (I am a woman).
She implied that men really seem to enjoy getting but that she found the act gross and unnatural and lead me to believe all women felt that way, making me wary of trying it.
Would it be painful? Would I be denied if I brought it up? Was it seen as too kinky?
Yes, I was pissed once I discovered that not only is it perfectly normal, it’s a ton of fun.”
15. Don’t listen to this.
“If you cum while she’s on top, she can’t get pregnant.
That’s just gravity.”
Be sure to share this with your virgin friends in case they need any extra advice.
What do you think?
What would you say to someone who was about to have sex for the very first time?
Tell us in the comments!