There are people in this world who go out of their way to be creepy and fre*k out others. And to those people I say, “STOP IT!”
And then there are those who stumble into the world of questionable comments totally on accident.
If you’re the latter type person, these 15 Redditors are your people.
15. I mean, it was an accurate comment.
I worked at a cafe/bistro in Kona, Hawaii when I was an awkward 19 year old as a dishwasher, but when it was slow, they would send the servers home and I’d walk orders out to tables.
One day this lady was breastfeeding her kid in full view at her table and of course I was the only one available to take her drink out to her, so I take her coffee out to her and try like hell to avoid eye contact. I end up spilling a small carafe of milk at her table. SUPER! So, I had to come back out to clean up the milk mess and be more awkward and I was trying to make small talk, so this came out of my mouth — I can’t believe how much milk those li’l things can hold!
Yeah, I actually said that.
Her jaw dropped and I just walked back inside and sat in the employee bathroom on the toilet for like half an hour with a really, really hot face just replaying the moment over and over in my head. My face still gets hot with embarrassment just thinking about it.
14. That is truly awful.
I was hanging out with some friends, and one couple had a crying baby. It was giving me a headache, so when it suddenly stopped crying,
I mumbled in what must’ve been a super creepy voice, “Oh yeah, that’s nice.”
Everyone else got silent, so I looked up.
The baby was breast feeding.
13. I’m sure that didn’t fre*k anyone out.
During an impromptu speech, I meant to say “Even though I can’t shoot hoops with the kids anymore, it’s still a part of me”
I, accidentally, said:
“Even though I can’t shoot kids anymore, it’s still a part of me.”
12. That is so not right.
I did this one. Important to know I’m a dancer and I love doing swing style lifts. Waiting for someone I noticed a young girl, probably 14 or 15, across the way. She was close to 6′ and very thin in a fit, not anorexic, sort of way. Thin long partners are amazing for lifts, pretty much all options are available. So I must have been out of it and I just started day dreaming about all the dances we could do.
So here’s a guy in his late 20’s openly staring at an attractive 14 year old girl. She caught me and said “is there something you need?” And I don’t know why these words came out of my mouth, but I just grin and say “I could just throw you around.” She looked quite shocked and hurried away.
One of those moments in life you relive a thousand times and cringe each time.
11. You’re lucky no one called the cops.
I’m a preschool teacher. As I was leading my class down to the indoor playroom a couple weeks ago a child asked where we were going. I said “To the climber. It’s nice to spread our legs!” which didn’t seem quite right to me, though I couldn’t figure out why. I also noticed another teacher giving me a weird look.
Later, I realized I meant to say “stretch our legs” and felt pretty embarrassed and creepy for the rest of the day.
Edit: to say that I am also a dude. The only male teacher in a school with about 30 employees. So that added another level of creepiness.
10. She’ll never forget this customer…
My dog was sick so I went to Walgreen’s to get a rectal thermometer for my dog.
I looked for Vaseline but all they had was some off brand lube.
I stopped an employee to ask if that lube is safe for dogs.
Oh, the look of horror that she gave me.
9. Hahaha that’s hilarious but not for her.
I go to a school with squirrels all over the place. One day I’m walking and I see there is a squirrel like a foot from me. I whisper, “I’m so close to you,” smiling at it, and a lady I had not previously noticed turned around and gave me the most upset and scared look while she got the f*ck away from me.
8. Bet that made the rest of high school really awkward.
I suddenly yelled “You all are making me hard!” to a class of high school students when I was a student teacher. What I had actually meant to say is something like “You all are making this hard to do.”
Yeah…I didn’t really live that one down.
Every time I asked certain students to do something they would say “Ok, Mr. FeelAsleepOnKeyboard, I certainly wouldn’t want to make you hard again.”
7. Yeah those aren’t the same thing.
The 3DS has a feature where it recognizes other 3DS consoles in the area and you can then see the other person’s Mii. The more people you meet the more access you get to mini-games.
I often carry it with me to work and once told my wife that I was “picking up kids.”
I actually meant that I was picking up their signal from their 3DS.
6. I’m going to guess she was texting her friends like mad.
Was driving back from a first date with a girl. Went poorly; I was even more shy, nervous, and awkward back then. We’re driving through an area with lots of plains, not a car in sight for miles. Gas is starting to run low and I decide we should head for a gas station.
And then I blurted out, “Man, we could both die out here and nobody would ever find our bodies.” She looked horrified for a few seconds. I then realized “Oh man…we should find a gas station” was something I didn’t say out loud before that; I just thought it in my mind. I stumbled towards explaining what I actually meant by that morbid comment. Needless to say, the rest of the trip was kinda quiet and weird.
TL;DR: Accidentally kinda implied I was going to kill a woman in the middle of nowhere.
5. Poor Alex was never the same.
I used to manage a large liquor store and had such a great time with my employees. I had a goofy sense of humor, as we all did, to make time go by. I would always say weird things when opening the doors to our walk in cooler, as if I was talking to the cooler itself. Like when I know I had a lot of work to do in there I’d open it and say “You ready for what I’m about to do!?”
One day I opened it slowly with a group watching and exclaimed “WHO’S READY TO GET F***ED IN THE ASS”?!
And in the cooler stood, Alex. The new kid, who just started that day.
4. I think that’s on him, not you.
I was in math and variables the teachers used were ‘d’ and ‘p’ so naturally I leaned to my friend and whispered “…double penetration”.
I’m a girl, so he asked “how do you know what dp stands for?” (because I guess it’s a porn thing?) and I responded with “Oh I have two brothers, I know all about double penetration.” Meaning they always try to gross me out by saying all that sh^t but that was totally not how it was taken by my friend.
Nope, according to him I get gangbanged by my brothers.
3. This is not a normal thing to say. Lol.
Very nice grocery store cashier told me she hoped I have a wonderful day.
I have no idea what possessed me to respond with a friendly, “thank you, I hope you never die”.
She was probably scared to walk to her car that night
2. There’s no living that down.
“i’m gonna show you what sucking d%ck is all about!”
Playing MK Ultimate, things got heated and every time my friend lost he would scream “suck my f*cking d%ck!”. Eventually the testosterone levels in the room reached critical mass and those famous words were uttered.
1. That’s not the right response.
I was at a bar and I met this girl from out of town.
She told me she was a detective that specialized in child rape cases.
My reply was “oh I love children”…..
I can honestly say this has happened to me once or twice – once on an audio recording – and it’s never all that comfortable.
Has it happened to you? Is it a good story? Let us be the judge!