Are you happy with your partner? Do you experience bouts of joy, trust, and unafraid intimacy? Do you have symptoms of confidence, stability, and connection?
Then you may suffer from a condition known as “good relationship.” Good Relationship is a chronic condition that can last a very long time. To know whether you have it or are at risk of contracting it, you should be on the lookout for “green flags.”
These “green flag” symptoms have here been enumerated by a panel of dating doctors (aka Reddit users). Have a look for yourself, and consider this a self-administered test.
1. What should we look for?
Willingness to forgive you when you make a mistake/speak in anger/etc rather than hold a grudge or try to punish you. (Doesn’t mean they won’t be still be upset of course.)
Willingness to admit fault and take responsibility when they make a mistake/speak in anger/etc and work on their own negative behaviors. Related: taking you seriously when something upsets you even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal from their perspective.
Not losing their temper when things don’t go their way. Example: do you want to be with someone who blows up when the car breaks down on a road trip and makes everyone else miserable or the person who calmly calls the repair service and tries to make the best of it?
Not making personal attacks during arguments. Focusing more on how they are feeling and fixing the problem at hand, and then reconciling afterward, rather than lashing out with a list of perceived character flaws. Example: “I feel disrespected when…” rather than “You’re such a disrespectful [expletive of choice]!”
Genuine care for you and others; a lack of self-centeredness. Being open to hear the perspectives of others, even when they don’t agree. An understanding that they are not the center of the universe, they are not always right, and there is always something to learn.
In short: emotional maturity.
2. Watch for reduced noise perception.
The ability to co exist in very companionable silence.
3. Ask your doctor if your health is more important than a car’s.
It’s a pretty convoluted story, but I was dating a guy, had to drive his car to get him from a situation, and wrecked his car due to mechanical failure, and called my mama to come get me so we could go get him.
“Rescued” him. Then had to tell him I’d wrecked his car.
His first question: “Are you okay?”
My mom overheard. “That one’s a keeper.”
4. Look out for irritability-resistant cooperation.
I remember the time I was pissed at my SO and then she accidentally spilled some sauce on her lap and I angrily helped her clean it up with my hanky
– [user deleted]
5. Do you need dietary assistance?
When you’re on a road trip and your partner feeds you fries and helps you drink your soda or whatever.
I think that’s such a nice simple gesture of kindness.
6. Note any increased mobility.
Genuine support in your life goals, even if that means you two will have to go long distance for a while or will have to have conflicting work schedule or it will make your relationship harder in some way. If they love you and want you to be happy, they will be genuinely interested in what you want to do and will try to support you to do that in whatever way they can. They won’t hold you back in anyway.
This is something me and my SO have been facing something similar to this recently, he’s just graduated and is looking for a job. As much as I want him to stay close by so we don’t have to do long distance for any more time than we have to (I’m going home for the summer). But if he gets a job the other side of the country I won’t stop him and as long as I’m around I’ll help him pack up.
7. Quick recovery periods are frequent.
Being able to emotionally connect even after an argument
8. Close examination of common experiences may be necessary.
Telling the little details about your day. There’s something really precious about that, and you feel in-tune with the other person.
9. Note any increased memory function.
Your partner does things for you without asking and remembers little details. For example I like eating with a fruit fork (the smaller version of the dinner fork) I actually googled that since our family calls them the little forks lol.
Anyway, my partner remembers this and will grab it for me when we’re dishing up food. Another good one is they make you feel appreciated.
10. Watch what you eat.
They respect your food issues, whether preferences, allergies, etc.
Bonus Points: They defend you to their blood relatives.
11. Note a strong appetite for thing-doing.
If she shows equal interest in hanging out with you. If it feels like you’re dragging them into going on a date, they’re really not into you, no matter what they may say.
Besides, let’s be honest. Wouldn’t you rather date someone who is as excited and interested in seeing you and you are in seeing them?
12. Empathetic response may be above normal parameters.
You want your partner to be happy and not the other way around. Oftentimes people want to be in a relationship to solely make themselves happy
13. Take note of reading comprehension.
You recommend them a book or movie and they actually take the time to check it out.
14. There may be a general reduction in stress.
It feels “easy”.
Effortless. Unforced. Natural.
This is a good sign of a real connection. Compromise feels like second nature. You both breath thoughtfulness and consideration towards each other.
You figure things out, together. You see each other, respect each other, and appreciate each other.
15. In summary:
I feel like there’s a lot of detailed examples that largely boil down to two things: empathy and emotional maturity.
If you think that you or someone you know may suffer from Good Relationship, ask your doctor how their day went, cause you got nothing to fix. Congratulations.
What would you add to this list of symptoms?
Tell us in the comments.