Ever think about getting married, but you actually need somebody who wants to marry you?
But hey, at least when you read posts like this you can pretend to be married. Because practice makes perfect, right?
Let’s go!
1. I thought it was funny
wife *opens First Aid kit*
me:
wife: Why would you fill it with Cheetos?
me [bleeding] It was funny at the time— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 23, 2019
2. Sums it up
Instead of my husband asking me what I want to watch, he asks me what I want to fall asleep to & that pretty much sums up a marriage.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 27, 2019
3. Hey o!
Wife: I want you to rake the yard today.
Me: Consider it done.[later]
Wife: I thought you were going to rake?
Me: I thought you were going to consider it done?— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 29, 2018
4. I know the answer!
Being a husband means that sometimes you are required to answer questions like, “What’s the name of the guy from the place who does the thing?”
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) June 30, 2018
5. SMH
https://twitter.com/supermarkusa/status/1092787402844917761
6. A little too late
[50 years from now]
*visiting husband’s grave*
“I wanted to let you know that after all these years I’ve finally figured out where I want to go to eat.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2019
7. What’s the deal?!?!
I get my hair cut and colored and my husband doesn’t notice for an entire week, but I draw one penis on his face and he notices the very next morning.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 8, 2019
8. Oh, never mind…
Talked with another dad about how much I hate shopping with my wife at Old Navy for 10 minutes before I realized that he was a mannequin.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 28, 2019
9. Dat me!
Being married to me:
Pros: you’re married
Cons: to me— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) March 12, 2019
10. He knows me too well…
I’m going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant tonight and my husband texted me the menu so I can “plan all my questions for the waiter in advance.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 26, 2019
11. Sounds important!
We are three days into a discussion about if getting a toaster oven would be worth sacrificing the counter space. Marriage is wild y’all.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 11, 2019
12. “I’m losing ALL the weight!”
If you’re one of the eight people in this world that my wife hasn’t told yet, she’s been on the Keto diet for 18 minutes and it’s absolutely amazing.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 20, 2019
13. Okkkkaaayyyyy…
wife hoping for a normal day: good morning
me: im gonna try to become left handed— brent (@murrman5) December 5, 2018
14. Hey! That’s a good show!
How much do I love my wife?
Two full seasons of Riverdale. That’s how much.— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) August 21, 2018
15. Now that is MARRIED
You may be married but you aren’t married married until you are in a home furnishings store together and you brought your own tape measure.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 12, 2019
See, now you’re all ready to get hitched. This post was all you needed to anticipate EVERY SINGLE SITUATION!
Okay, we kid, but we actually do want to know what all those married folk feel about marriage.
Post a comment because we love hearing from you!