I have many favorite internet things, but chief among the top faves are funny tweets. Because if Twitter is good for anything, it’s people saying crazy sh^t to get a response. And sometimes those things are hilarious. Thankfully, this is one of those times.
And the best part? You don’t have to believe in god. Or gods. Or gravity. But you should believe in that last thing because it’s real.
Okay, let’s go…
1. They haz defenssss!
God creating kittens
G-make them really fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs
Angel-that's so swee..
G-& put razor blades on their feet
— AKADave ?(not a guy) (@Dahmerscookpot) May 17, 2016
2. Also, make it completely unreasonable…
*god making chihuahuas* how bout a big nervous wall-eyed rat
— FRO_VO (@fro_vo) April 6, 2016
3. AND, make it delicious, but only once a year…
[God creating a turkey]
God: Make it like a sh^tty brown peacock…
Animal technician: Anything else?
God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol
— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) June 1, 2015
4. Dead sexy…
[god inventing horses]
make a sexy donkey
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) June 17, 2016
5. But but but…
God: i’m sorry but the answer is no.
God: I can’t do it.
Butterfly: don’t I deserve a best friend?
God: yes but a Toastfly is just too ridiculous.
Butterfly: ok fine : (
Jellyfish: he wouldn’t make me a Peanutbutterfish either.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) June 21, 2019
6. But are they angry or just misunderstood?
[god creating snakes]
how about a sock that's angry all the time
— dr boyfriend, m.d. (@pentyfuma) November 21, 2015
7. You done f*cked up eagle!
[boarding the ark]
Bold Eagle: Bold Eagle
Hyena, from the back: more like BALD eagle lm*o
Noah: lm*o *marks down bald eagle*
— Kyle ? (@KylePlantEmoji) June 8, 2018
8. Make it taste like suntan lotion…
[God making coconuts]
ANGEL: Hair on the outside?
ANGEL: Milk on the inside?
ANGEL: So, this is another mammal?
GOD: [taking bong rip] lm*o, no
— Roxi Horror ?? (@roxiqt) February 3, 2019
9. No bones?! Well f*ck…
GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands
ANGEL: uh, we're out of bones..
GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things
— huntigula (@huntigula) June 22, 2016
10. LOL, okay god…
[god, creating ducks]
Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 15, 2015
11. Seems legit…
[inventing the parrot]
HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
— dreamghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 18, 2015
12. God be lit that day!
[god creating bees]
Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on God, wha—“
Make its puke delicious.
— dr boyfriend, m.d. (@pentyfuma) April 8, 2015
13. Also, will kill you and not give AF…
[God inventing the hippo]
How bout a fat horse that's always trying to sneak up on you in a pool pic.twitter.com/OadbNojhqQ
— tater tot bros (@thetits) March 7, 2016
14. Makes sense…
[god making pandas]
GOD: cow bears
GOD: did i f*cken stutter
GOD: take it a cow and make it a bear
— aldous cucksley (@yungshepherdboy) May 15, 2015
15. No! You can’t have them!
[God creating dogs]
Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) March 31, 2016
Well bless my soul! Those were funny AF!