I have many favorite internet things, but chief among the top faves are funny tweets. Because if Twitter is good for anything, it’s people saying crazy sh^t to get a response. And sometimes those things are hilarious. Thankfully, this is one of those times.
And the best part? You don’t have to believe in god. Or gods. Or gravity. But you should believe in that last thing because it’s real.
Okay, let’s go…
1. They haz defenssss!
https://twitter.com/Dahmerscookpot/status/732543463498059778
2. Also, make it completely unreasonable…
*god making chihuahuas* how bout a big nervous wall-eyed rat
— FRO VO (@fro_vo) April 6, 2016
3. AND, make it delicious, but only once a year…
[God creating a turkey]
God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock…
Animal technician: Anything else?
God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) June 1, 2015
4. Dead sexy…
[god inventing horses]
make a sexy donkey— dan mentos (@DanMentos) June 17, 2016
5. But but but…
God: i’m sorry but the answer is no.
Butterfly: please?
God: I can’t do it.
Butterfly: don’t I deserve a best friend?
God: yes but a Toastfly is just too ridiculous.
Butterfly: ok fine : (
Jellyfish: he wouldn’t make me a Peanutbutterfish either.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) June 21, 2019
6. But are they angry or just misunderstood?
https://twitter.com/pentyfuma/status/668189904153612288
7. You done f*cked up eagle!
[boarding the ark]
Noah: Name?
Bold Eagle: Bold Eagle
Hyena, from the back: more like BALD eagle lmao
Owls: lmao
Noah: lmao *marks down bald eagle*
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) June 8, 2018
8. Make it taste like suntan lotion…
https://twitter.com/roxiqt/status/1091878401076383746
9. No bones?! Well f*ck…
[creating octopus]
GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands
ANGEL: uh, we're out of bones..
GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things— huntigula (@huntigula) June 22, 2016
10. LOL, okay god…
[god, creating ducks]
Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 15, 2015
11. Seems legit…
[inventing the parrot]
HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU— Jade Van Kley (@BacklineNurse) February 18, 2015
12. God be lit that day!
https://twitter.com/pentyfuma/status/585656921962721281
13. Also, will kill you and not give AF…
[God inventing the hippo]
How bout a fat horse that's always trying to sneak up on you in a pool pic.twitter.com/OadbNojhqQ
— tater tot bros (@thetits) March 7, 2016
14. Makes sense…
[god making pandas]
GOD: cow bears
ANGEL: what
GOD: did i fucken stutter
ANGEL:
GOD: take it a cow and make it a bear— Jackson (@yungshepherdboy) May 15, 2015
15. No! You can’t have them!
https://twitter.com/Ygrene/status/715531700906778627
Well bless my soul! Those were funny AF!