Relationships are so great. They’re always positive and never a horror show at all. Whether you’re dating or married or just fooling around, everyone definitely likes the whole experience all the time and none of us are at all low key boiling with rage about it.
Which is why tweets like these don’t exist!
15. Judge not
Hey, I lost that toenail in the WAR.
men sit there unmoisturized empty stomach missing toenail and are like i think i will critique this girl’s appearance
— Maddy (@madelinesmoth) June 19, 2020
14. Dirty jobs
We thank you for your sacrifice.
being attracted to men is so embarrassing but someone’s gotta do it
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) June 17, 2020
13. Zoom around
Nobody ever thought to put this in the wedding vows.
Marriage during a pandemic is just taking turns muting and yelling "I'M ON A ZOOM" throughout a day.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 16, 2020
12. New math
This is exactly what they want her to be doing.
My wife is pretty bad at math until she starts explaining how much money she saved at Kohl’s.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 22, 2020
11. Perfect pitch
White Claw: somebody’s gonna end up screaming.
I just saw a young white lady carrying two six packs of white claw and crying and screaming into the phone “how could he do this to me?!?” And I’ve never had it but that seems like it should be the commercial for it?
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) June 19, 2020
10. Food fight
Some things are cliches because they’re true.
My girl when we are trying to choose what to eat pic.twitter.com/hH9v9noQeP
— Cesar ☔️ (@_cmnz) January 15, 2020
9. Conspicuous by absence
Can I get you anything? A water bottle? A couch?
My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we're okay.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 22, 2020
See the joke is that short men are short and thus worthless. It’s a very funny joke.
man fuck this app pic.twitter.com/xUpe1C34Q1
— alex ? (@MaskedIrving) April 18, 2020
7. You, me, and everyone
And none of them ever take out the trash.
guys be havin 25 roommates and want u to come over im staying home brockhampton
— sasukes gf (@igboadjacent) January 14, 2020
6. Don’t tell
Lack of communication is key.
Don’t tell the bride is so funny man the brides like, ‘I want a really traditional wedding in a church’ and the grooms like, ‘so the theme I have chosen is Man united’
— jodiemurphy_ (@jodiemurphyx) June 15, 2020
5. At what cost
Living wild and free.
My husband and I are meeting at Costco after he leaves work.
This is like a date now.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 24, 2020
4. Special thanks
That grass isn’t gonna tame itself.
Writes in Fathers Day Card:
“Thanks for always mowing the lawn every week and that one time you got up with the kids in February.”
— Snarky Breeders (@snarkybreeders) June 21, 2020
3. On edge
Yeah, this is a very bad time for that.
My husband and I have gone on a diet together and it has brought us so much closer to divorce.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 19, 2020
2. Key findings
It’s always the last place you look.
My husband woke me up at 4:30 this morning frantically looking for his keys that I then found in the dish where we keep our keys.
— Jordyn Armour (@survivingmommy_) June 16, 2020
1. Holes in the story
Boy oh boy marriage sure sounds fun.
I googled “how freaking long can it possibly take to play 18 holes of golf?” if you wanted to know how much trouble my husband is in tonight.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 13, 2020
Ok, so maybe not everyone in this lineup is perfectly content with their love life. But at least they’re funny about it. So they got that goin’ for ’em. Which is nice.
How’s your love life at the moment?
Tell us all about it in the comments, if ya want.