Did you know that the longer you live, the older you get? I know. It’s weird. And unwelcome. I didn’t sign up for aging, or having responsibilities, or being a sentient life form of any kind, really. If I had my druthers, I’d probably have chosen to be a nice tree. Something chill and low maintenance. But noooo. I had to become a being of inexplicable consciousness formed within the miracle that is the human brain. Plus I have to pay bills and stuff. Lame.

Here are fifteen tweets about getting older to help soothe the joint pain.

15. We all scream

That’s a cold, hard fact.

14. Loosen up

The only thing I’m chugging now is Metamucil.

13. Poetry in Motrin

You can never be too careful.

12. Take a hit

You’re officially an adult when you stop being surprised by the presence of a dinner table.

11. Taking inventory

This is why digital assistants need to step up their game.


10. Pride of ownership

See it’s funny because the economy that enriched our parents was stolen out from under us by greed.

9. Real cool

Sitcoms are people in their 30’s playing people in their 20’s with no jobs and a $3,000/month apartment.


8. Wine about it

The date stamp on this tweet is ironic. Little did they know this would be the legal limit for all of us pretty soon after.

7. Bring the noise

It’s called the old man creak and I’ve made peace with it.


6. Plot holes

What are friends for?


5. Cut to the chase

Let it grow, let it grooooow, can’t hold it back anymore…

4. Consequences

Thanks a lot, biology.

3. Diminishing returns

For most of us $1,000 just means “you’re allowed to keep living in your home for another few weeks.”


2. Key phrases

Should probably keep it in a drawer for the rest of my life just in case.

1. High standards

Smokin’ hot takes over here.

That’s it, I refuse to age. Somebody get me Benjamin Button on the line, I need to learn his weird secrets.

What’s the weirdest thing about getting older to you?

Tell us in the comments.