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Are you cat? A dog? A salamander?
No? You’re a human being?
Then welcome to the tweet fest! You’ll find all of these funny.
1. Yeah, feeling the same…
“Tire rotation” yeah ill rotate my tires… by driving my car around. Fuck off
— Mr I like my Ressentiment (@normal_now) June 13, 2019
2. All complaints…
literally every conversation I’ve ever had pic.twitter.com/mlSeNWevp1
— Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) June 11, 2019
3. OMFG… what did you do?!
We got a doorbell for our dogs to let us know when they want to go outside…this may have been a big mistake.😂😂 pic.twitter.com/swRaC30UXU
— Taylor Harrison (@TaytaynmTaylor) June 12, 2019
4. I’d watch it!
My Netflix prank show idea:
Women agreeing to meet up with the guys that send them unsolicited dick pics, but when the guy arrives, its actually their mother waiting for them.
— JOH-ee ❤️🧶 (@JustJoeyJoeyJo) June 15, 2019
Lmaoooooo I need new friends pic.twitter.com/Xx9qJ5pqGc
— . (@lilmommylizz) June 19, 2019
my dad doesn’t know how to download music to his phone, so he decided the best way to listen to his favorite music is by recording the music videos from the tv on his phone ! 😭🤣 pic.twitter.com/dZTMj0Tcf3
— 𝙼. 𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚟𝚊𝚕 🌻 (@melissaandoval_) June 12, 2019
7. Fucking. Epic.
one of our team members handed in their notice like this 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/tqc9Hn6ODE
— h. (@bitchitshan) June 27, 2019
8. I mean, it SOUNDS like that…
In conclusion : I’m an idiot pic.twitter.com/H08bpvYouS
— Abi the clown°•°• 🤡 (@skkaregay) June 15, 2019
9. And if they ask, “What accident?” Just say, “Not now. It’s too painful.”
“I can’t, too busy”:
– no one believes you
– allows for future invitations
“I can’t. Not since the accident”
– prevents future invitations
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) June 15, 2019
10. Whoever did this… you’re amazing!
take a minute to appreciate what I just saw on the road. pic.twitter.com/jjHPs78VWe
— Zissou Intern🦈 (@TheCrewDog96) June 15, 2019
11. She’s going places…
Every Father’s Day I think about the time I jokingly asked my 4 year-old daughter if she was going to get me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. “Nope,” she said gravely. “I haven’t met all the dads in the world.”
— RM (@dorsalstream) June 16, 2019
12. This is true. I do this every single day.
protip: the best way to remember something is to keep it in an open tab forever
— Yuri Victor 🖤 (@yurivictor) June 17, 2019
13. What was with those book fairs?! EVERYBODY felt like this!
Me @ the scholastics book fair in elementary school wishing my mom sent me with more money pic.twitter.com/bXTgHVmS4s
— ditch witch (@vvitchymama) June 16, 2019
interviewer: you have a 3 year gap on your resume that just says “vengeance”
me: you don’t remember me do you?
— Conajam (@conajam) June 14, 2019
15. Oh, you up to no good…
Being the older sister is such a stressful thing like one minute I’m parenting then the next I’m helping my sister do shit she’s not supposed to be doin just because I want her to have fun & enjoy her youth
— J (@Juliana_serna04) June 17, 2019
We hope you’ve enjoyed this brief break from reality.
Now back to reality…