On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate today? 1 being horrible, 10 being amazing. No matter where you fall on that scale, these tweets should boost you up by at least a couple of points. Yes, even if you’re at a 10, somehow. Be prepared to experience a 12.
Enjoy these fifteen funny food-for-thoughts from the world of Twitter, and let them brighten your day.
15. Deliver us from destruction
“Wasting” my money on take out because I’m lazy? I think you mean “stimulating the local economy” and a “hometown hero”
— 1984’s George wh^rewell (@EwdatsGROSS) April 7, 2020
14. S**T: Chapter II
We're living in two Stephen King novels. The Dead Zone and The Stand. If clowns show up I'm done.
— Ron Humphrey (@ron_humphrey) April 10, 2020
13. Flavor is fragile
my housemate just tried to convince me that it's better to season your food AFTER its cooked bc the heating process will break apart the flavor.
— ? Jack of all Bos, Master of Horse ? (@TommyRainmaker) April 10, 2020
12. State of the state
— New Jersey (@NJGov) April 10, 2020
11. Ain’t no laws when you’re drinkin’ claws
If you’re having trouble visualizing 6 feet of distance, I’ve discovered that it is approx. equal to the length of 12 white claw cans pic.twitter.com/vSyUwDzti2
— Logan Guntzelman (@adirtyguntz) April 10, 2020
10. Gonna just Zoom from the Tomb
Jesus: *carefully slides rock back over cave doorway* No thanks
— Brynnester (@brynnester) April 10, 2020
9. Why does everything take effort
It’s like I want fajitas but I don’t want to buy the groceries, prep the meal, cook the food or clean the dishes.
— alexandra nikolajev (@lexniko) December 1, 2019
8. Egg-cellence in broadcasting
Nothing but respect for Cadbury Creme Eggs for playing the same commercial every Spring for the last 26 years
— the drake gatsby ? (@DrakeGatsby) April 10, 2020
7. Pupper pundits
everything is terrible so i googled "dogs being interviewed" and it helped pic.twitter.com/hScUTwa9W9
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) February 16, 2018
6. A window of time
They call it Windows 10 cause it takes 10 hours to do a update
— rclyne (@rclyne02) August 25, 2019
5. Next level cold
my landlord just left a list of homeless shelters on our doors pic.twitter.com/9GHNadOXfz
— ismail ? (@mrbangyourmum) April 9, 2020
4. We’re all Hollywood insiders
Does anyone else’s wife quiz them about the movie they’re watching with them as if you wrote and produced it yourself? I don’t know why he didn’t just call a taxi, Linda, I’ve got the same information you have.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 9, 2019
3. He pounce
When my cat sees my foot move under the covers pic.twitter.com/CkZYIRtMuY
— Small Town Meme Superstar ?? (@sean_speezy) April 4, 2020
2. Time is an illusion
I honestly have no idea how this happened but I’ve spent 36 hours a day on my phone this week.
— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) April 10, 2020
1. Ask your doctor if giving up is right for you
Saved $300 this month just by making the switch to not taking care of my personal appearance at all
— dizzle_saint_james (@dizzle_st_james) April 10, 2020
If these have failed to raise your day quality by at least 20%, please send all complaints to Twitter. Just at whoever, I’m sure they’ll get it.
Which tweet was your favorite?
Let us know in the comments.