After reading this series of dank tweets, I can’t help but think that nearly everybody on Twitter uses it as a form of therapy.
And hey, that’s great! They’re able to share their dark, deep thoughts, and we get to enjoy these dark AF tweets. Win win!
Never change Twitter! We love you!
1. Quiet!!!
me: [pointing gun in air] “EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS IS A ROBBERY”
girl: “dude, this is a library”
me: “oh” [screwing on a silencer] “ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ᶫᶦˢᵗᵉᶰ ᵘᵖ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ᵃ ʳᵒᵇᵇᵉʳʸ”— k e i t h ?? (@KeetPotato) November 28, 2017
2. That bird was committed.
My parrot died today. Its last words were, “Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die.”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 13, 2016
3. A painful process…
Shout out to all the early humans who died figuring out what plants we can and can’t eat.
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) November 30, 2017
4. A guy’s gotta eat!
Pac Man is in a bad place these days. pic.twitter.com/ZXite8thGQ
— Jon Rowlandson (@jonrowlandson) August 2, 2015
5. Oh shhhhhhiiiiittttt…
I’m sorry, were you close? pic.twitter.com/xoDpeaBkcg
— Mandy (@pandorasinbox) June 19, 2017
6. Petty to the end.
I still think this is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. pic.twitter.com/J7ckeGEQNV
— Ruthanne Reid (@RuthanneReid) December 4, 2017
7. Shhhhhhhhhh
Reminder of one of the darkest moments in history pic.twitter.com/uvu2UhLggW
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) November 25, 2017
8. “it’s diabetes”
i pulled out my insulin pump in class and sarah leans over and goes “is that the new iphone 10!?”. f*ck u sarah it’s diabetes
— Jake Hullinger (@_LitRomney) December 5, 2017
9. “Don’t worry. I’ll get it later.”
[Me, watching my murderer wipe down everything as I’m dying]: “Oh, you don’t have to do that, don’t worry about it.”
— She’s A Real Genius (@ShesARealGenius) September 29, 2016
10. Wait… what?!
facebook is so crazy pic.twitter.com/RwT5Mrvl2B
— lourdes (@gossipgriII) February 4, 2017
11. The eyes! THE EYES!!!
Can’t stop looking at this photo of a cat falling off a table. pic.twitter.com/eJcitddCGd
— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyo_sexwhale) June 6, 2016
12. Real things that debt makes us think about.
MUGGER: GIVE ME YOUR PURSE OR I’LL SHOOT YOU
ME: *realize I won’t have to pay student loans back if I’m dead*
MUGGER: ???
ME: I’m thinking.— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 24, 2015
13. Well, do you or not?!
me: hi do you take walk-ins
the morgue: what
— Wholesome and earnest (@InternetHippo) June 20, 2017
14. Punctuation weaponry!
Spice up any Facebook comment with random quotation marks.
“Congrats” on your baby.
Congrats on “your” baby.
Congrats on your “baby”.— Devin ?? (@papasuncle) July 23, 2017
15. When you can’t helping tweeting everything…
Me: Excuse me sir, what’s your Wi-Fi password?
Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily]
THIS IS A FUNERALMe: *[Types in]
THIS IS A FUNERAL— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 14, 2014
16. Hmmm, I thought it was the screams after they begin cooking
The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
— Joe West (@joejwest) September 9, 2014
That one about Pacman had me rolling.
A bad place indeed!