Parenting is a rough gig, and one of the only things that gets you through the hard days is knowing that one day, your children will have adult senses of humor and also get sarcasm.
Because when they do, you can unleash amazingly brutal tweets like these 17.
We know you parents are just trying to do your best, and we’re so thankful that you found the time to tweet out this fire too.
Let’s get to it!
17. She’s just messing with you.
Me: *spends time picking out stuffed animals I think my daughter will love and get attached to*
My daughter: *sleeps with and carries around a lemon*
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) November 13, 2019
16. She’s going to be a great girlfriend one day.
5-year-old: I'm mad.
5: I DON'T NEED A REASON.
She's living her best life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2019
15. This definitely ended with the kid doing the slam dunk.
Me: ok so what's the 411 on this game
10yo: the what
Me: you know 41…oh right. you don't know. It means information becuz we used to have to dial 411 on the phone to get someones phone # or address.
10yo: so u mean what's the google then?
Me: yes. exactly.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 11, 2019
14. How many of these can we possibly keep?
My revenge plan is mainly encouraging my daughter to make lots and lots of home made crafts so that she can bring them to her schoolteacher to display in her classroom.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 8, 2019
13. In our house it’s “I’M OKAY.”
*Loud crash from another room*
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 13, 2019
12. Because, I mean, they’re probably fine.
50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 13, 2019
11. If it’s not, it definitely should be.
Me: What's the first rule of cooking?
4: Don't put your hands in your butt.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 13, 2019
10. We do not give up our first coffee of the day no matter what.
Ahh, just standing here sipping my coffee, listening to the sweet sounds of my oldest two children fighting first thing in the morning while the baby tries to eat the cat food.
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) November 18, 2019
9. I need something to keep me going.
What’s it like when your kids listen to you the first time you say something?
No. I’m asking. What’s it like. Someone please tell me.
— Vision Bored? (@VisionBored1) November 14, 2019
8. They can probably un-train her.
[walking into elementary school]
Me: Hi I'm dropping my daughter off for Kindness Club.
Teacher: Well, Kindness Club doesn't start for another 15 minutes so-
Me: THIS IS BULLSHIT
Daughter: THIS IS BULLSHIT
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 13, 2019
7. There are no other options.
Please choose one of the following school picture packages:
C. Wtf happened to her hair?
D. My child is a serial killer holy shit how did I not see the signs
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 12, 2019
6. It’s basically dog years.
I was 27 when my son was born 4 years ago.
I’m 42 now
— tom (@pilau) November 13, 2019
5. How do you know she’s not right?
I’m convinced that my 6yo thinks if she stops talking for more than 30 seconds a bomb will go off like in Speed, it’s the only explanation
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 13, 2019
4. Because in that case life in interminable.
I don’t know started the saying “life is short” but it definitely wasn’t a parent waiting for a child to “do it myself”
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) November 4, 2019
3. KIDS AMIRIGHT?
[My mother-in-law comes up behind my 10yo and starts brushing her hair]
*Looks over her shoulder*
10yo: Oh sorry, I thought you were my mom.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 16, 2019
2. Too bad it’s not competitive.
Oh you're into extreme sports? I just took two kids under the age of 5 grocery shopping. So, same.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 15, 2019
1. It’s exactly like that.
Parenting is a lot like buying 4 bananas and watching them get gobbled up in one day.
Then buying 8 bananas the following week and watching them rot on your counter because 'No one likes bananas mommy.'
— Moderately Mom (@moderately_mom) November 14, 2019
Mine are still too young, but someday I’ll be able to spit this fire out on the Tweetverse!
What’s the funniest thing your parents have said to you? What’s the best slam dunk you’ve ever done on your kids? Do you even have kids? Do you want kids? Do your future kids want you as their parent? Are you having fun reading these questions?
We want to hear your answers in the comments!