Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togewer today.
Let’s talk about how hard and how wonderful, how fun and how maddening, how rewarding and how insane it is to agree to live every day with another human being for the rest of you life.
Hard to sum up in a tweet, I know, but these 17 people sure do give it their best shot.
17. I prefer the “change it whenever you walk by and see HE changed it” method.
[sitting at a table]
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number*thermostat negotiations*
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 9, 2018
16. It’s a high-stress environment.
Couples on Facebook brag about their love and perfect life together. Meanwhile it's a good day when my wife and I are still speaking to each other after going grocery shopping together.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) August 20, 2018
15. Hint: it’s because he’s not listening.
If you don’t start a fight with your husband because he’s underreacting to something that you’re overreacting to, then you’re not wife-ing it like me.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 17, 2018
14. I feel personally attacked by this tweet.
If my wife wants to argue, we’re going to argue – doesn’t matter if I’ve already agreed with her – we have to argue until she says everything she planned to say.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 17, 2018
13. I mean honestly it’s probably not worth fighting about at that point.
A main part of marriage is heavy sighing to let your spouse know you are upset then saying, “nothing” when they ask what’s wrong.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 13, 2018
12. You should know where the spoons go by now. You idiot.
https://twitter.com/dumbbeezie/status/993036048652423169?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E993036048652423169&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fhub.bloomjoy.com%2Fruin-my-week%2Fmarriage-is-heaven-marriage-is-hell%2F
11. Mistakes have been made by all parties.
Wife: [reaches for the fries on my plate]
Me: [slides grocery divider between plates]
Wife: you said you didn’t take that from the store.
Me: and you said you didn’t want any fries but here we are.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) August 16, 2018
10. He should really know not to get between you and future you like that.
In case you're wondering what marriage is like, my husband and I just fought over the fact that he wouldn't tell me where he hid the candy I asked him to hide from me.
— Lindsey Silver (@EvenTheDogsABoy) February 23, 2018
9. Why would I wake him up?
I’ve reached the point in my marriage that my husband fell asleep on the couch and OMG I AM SO EXCITED I GET THE BED ALL TO MYSELF
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 15, 2017
8. Sweaty palms and everything.
I'm never more nervous than when I insist we're out of something and my wife goes to look for it herself.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2017
7. Yep. You’re going to need backup.
*asks grocery store manager to write a note telling my wife that I looked everywhere but couldn’t find the ice cream she wanted*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 22, 2018
6. It’s important to be able to have honest discussions.
My wife and I hit an important marriage milestone.
We had a fight entirely in fridge magnets. pic.twitter.com/sUvXbe2Fnn
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2015
5. I don’t hate this idea.
Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note “please text, she doesn’t answer calls.”
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 15, 2018
4. Sleep is so underrated by the young and child free.
wife & I started scheduling date night between midnight & 7am, we just sleep the whole time, but at least we’re doing something together
— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) August 11, 2018
3. Why do we do this?!
Tell me how tired you are so I can upstage you and tell you how much more tired I am.
-marriage
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) September 2, 2017
2. Husbands have no halfway.
It’s that time of year, arguing with my husband over the ceiling fan speed.
I like “light breeze.” He prefers “F4 tornado.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 29, 2018
1. He thought he was being smart but he messed up.
I tried on an outfit and asked husband if he liked that one or the next one best…then went into the closet and came out with the exact same outfit on and he looked at me and dead ass said, “Definitely the first one.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 19, 2018
I’m impressed (and tickled) about how spot-on these thoughts are!
Are you married? Have you been? How would you sum up the experience in 280 characters or less?