17 Things Some Women Do But Don’t Talk About

Girls don’t actually shop we just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’

— abb? (@abblucia) October 1, 2018

I always feel like I’m forgetting something whenever I leave the house carrying less than like 9 purses full of garbage

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) July 16, 2015

level 1: venting by crying

level 10: venting by faking a conversation in your head with someone

level 113: venting by creating an intricate alternate universe scenario in ur head where ur a celebrity on a talk show dramatically explaining the sh^t u’ve been going thru

— f thot fitzgerald (@dracomallfoys) January 16, 2018

my ex from a couple years ago has a new girlfriend and she liked and unliked one of my pics from a year ago and if youre out there i just want you to know its ok it happens to the best of us good luck out there

— Hana (@ohanabaig) March 5, 2019

women aren’t weak. I discreetly waxed my ankles during a phone interview once and didn’t drop one hint. you think this sh^t is a game? I’ll eat your husband.

— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) August 29, 2018

Behind every strong woman is 5 other strong women who proofread her email real quick when they had a second

— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) April 25, 2016

*owns 37 t-shirts*
*wears exactly 4 of them*

— Myrrh (@ixix82) August 29, 2017

You ever pull your cardigan closed across your chest with crossed arms and suddenly feel like a sentimental widow stepping out onto her beachfront porch at night, fondly remembering her past lover?

— April Fools Den (@daniellechezzy) February 4, 2019

Me, to myself: Okay, just be cool, don’t say anything weird

Any woman: *says something that makes me laugh*

Me, out loud: THAT’S HILARIOUS WE SHOULD BE SISTER WIVES BUT WITHOUT THE HUSBAND

— Not Sara (@smithsara79) May 22, 2018

Wearing black opaque tights: I am a sleek and sexy puma of a woman

Wearing any other colour of opaque tights: I teach art at the gnome school

— Georgia Wags (@georgialikesto) September 6, 2018

[shoving glitter glue and felt pens back into my bag, visibly upset] ok look all I’m saying is maybe you guys shouldn’t have called it a ‘craft brewery’ because people are gonna get the wrong idea and lemme tell you Karen this has been a big let down

— morton koopa jr (@cottoncandaddy) December 13, 2017

How to apply mascara:
Pull wand from tube
Open your eyes like a haunted doll coming to life

— Hi, it’s Abby. Yep. ⚪️ (@abbycohenwl) February 21, 2018

Women can always tell when you look at our bo*bs. It doesn’t matter how quickly you glance. One second is like five seconds in bo*b time.

— Badass Julia Wei (@badassjuliawei) March 11, 2019

are you even a girl if you don’t tell people you’re wearing jeans and a nice top ????

— ebs (@ebonyfinchh) June 19, 2016

only two things are certain in this life: death and that if you fall asleep in a tank top when you wake up one of your tiddies will be out

— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) February 8, 2016

I am SUPER chill unless I’m hungry, overheated, running late, waiting in a long line, in traffic, at the doctor, on a beach, getting a massage, having a cocktail, sleeping,

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) July 31, 2018

so excited to transition from wearing the same 5 things in the summer to the same 5 things in the fall

— Alice Roth (@aliceroth) September 19, 2018