Politics and economics and government are sensitive topics these days, and many jokesters don’t want to touch those topics with a 10-foot solid gold pole.
But then you have these brave souls. It takes a special turn of phrase to keep the commentary both relevant and funny, but these 17 people have managed to do just that.
Let’s get rich, bitches!
17. I mean I don’t think those are actually secrets.
THE SEVEN SECRETS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE
1. Private school
2. Legacy Ivy admission
3. Nepotism hire
4. Seed capital from family
5. Club memberships
6. Personal assistant, nanny, ghost writer
7. Journalists who ask, "What's your secret?" and uncritically publish the answer
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) November 26, 2019
16. Damn the man.
7 things every child needs to hear:
1. I love you.
2. I am proud of you.
3. I am sorry.
4. I forgive you.
5. I am listening.
6. Capitalism is a tool of the upper class designed to keep the people struggling, oppressed, and docile.
7. You have what it takes.
— Benjamin Young Savage (ᐱᓐᒋᐱᓐ) (@benjancewicz) September 5, 2019
15. Just a little bit of real talk.
Capitalism never solves the problem of slums; it just relocates them.
Capitalism never solves the problem of the poor; it just relocates them.
Capitalism cannot solve such social problems because it is the problem. #HowCapitalismWorks
— Richard D. Wolff (@profwolff) July 13, 2019
14. These ghosts need to work overtime.
A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.
— Red Durkin (@RedIsDead) December 12, 2017
13. It’s just a little off the top what’s your prob?
Ironically, a 70% marginal tax is much more moderate than historical alternatives such as the guillotine, which only took off the top 13% or so.
— Erik Hinton (@erikhinton) January 7, 2019
12. Seriously, have you ever thought about that?
I f*cking hate grocery store check out screens asking me if I want to donate $20 to end child hunger or whatever. You’re a $10 billion corporation. I’m using a coupon to get 50 cents off a bag of potatos. Why don’t YOU donate $20 to end child hunger
— Rebecca Watson (@rebeccawatson) November 3, 2019
11. Surely Bruce would agree.
Bruce Wayne paying 90% taxes on income and capital gains over $10 million would do more to help Gotham than Batman ever could. https://t.co/rGYYLLNTpl
— Austin Gilkeson (@osutein) May 29, 2019
10. We need to stop expecting rich people to do the right thing.
Jeff Bezos' D.C. mansion will have:
— 2 elevators
— 25 bathrooms
— 1,006 light fixtures
— A full movie theater
Amazon's Whole Foods cut health benefits for part-time workers less than 2 months ago.
Tax the rich.
— Robert Reich (@RBReich) November 4, 2019
9. What, you don’t have rich parents?
Millennials, quit whining. I paid off $150,000 in student loans and own a $400,000 home, because I SAVE. It’s not that hard. I
-Make coffee at home
-Bus instead of Uber
-Had parents pay off my loans & buy me a house because I’m daddy’s special boy
-Got Hulu with ads
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) October 21, 2019
8. Yes I’m sure you’ve nailed it there.
American citizen: *dies, due to lack of affordable healthcare*
wages: *not growing*
news: *owned and operated by war profiteers*
world’s wealth: *seized by global oligarchs*
student debt: *exists*
Washington Post: Russian propaganda is making millennials reject capitalism.
— redacted tonight (@RedactedTonight) February 7, 2019
7. Give that man an award!
Inspiring! This CEO Saw One of His Employees Digging Through the Dumpster for Food, So He Bought Her a Headlamp to Make It Easier to Sift through the Garbage
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) July 19, 2018
6. Let’s just agree that none of it works for the little guy.
"Socialist economies don't work," the experts say.
This is in contrast to capitalist economies, which are based on rock-solid principles like "every decade or so the whole thing collapses."
— Ian Goodrum (@isgoodrum) March 30, 2019
5. So much pearl-clutching.
I don’t think we’ve ever seen anything like this. Wall Street, the billionaire class, and the entire political establishment is SHOOK all because Elizabeth Warren wants the wealthiest people in America to pitch in two-cents so everybody else has a chance to succeed. #TaxTheRich
— Ryan Knight ?️?? (@ProudResister) November 8, 2019
4. It pains me to say it, but I suppose in this the French are right.
The joke is that the French are cowards, but lay one of them off and the union will shut the factory down and take management hostage until they’re rehired with back pay. Lay an American off and they’ll apologize to you and give you a $100 tip on their way out.
— Garbage Ape ? ? (@GarbageApe) May 26, 2018
3. Wait that doesn’t mean we’re winning?
Capitalism is so good that it has only existed for 0.00000011% of the Earth's life, but during that time it's threatened a mass extinction event.
— Tom Taylor (@TomForUtah) June 12, 2019
2. Oh yes we forgot to mention.
Capitalism: good news! with technology we can produce more with half the work.
Workers: cool! so we only have to work half the hours?
Workers: we get paid double?
Workers: we retire sooner?
Capital: btw, we rolled back your pensions
— Existential Comics (@existentialcoms) October 24, 2019
1. They turn the shock level up slowly.
dudes in 2040 be like: i dont understand why homeless people don't just get a job or start a business. anyways my 15 minute lunch break is over, better get back to the amazon sorting floor before the ol' shock collar goes off and i get evicted from my sleeping pod
— ?? Christmas Valentina ?? (@leftistthot420) October 24, 2019
I don’t know about you, but I’m laughing… and also crying… and also checking my bank account.
Which of these was your favorite? Or… maybe least favorite? Because you’re pretty annoyed at capitalism right now.
Let us know in the comments!