If you clicked this link, it might just be a subject you’re vaguely interested in, or maybe you were scrolling around and killing time on the train, or MAYBE you’re in a relationship that you’re worried about, and you want to see if the signs are there.
In that last case, hold onto your hat, because this list is probably not going to make you feel better.
Here are the big red flags to look out for, according to Reddit.
1. “How are you doing?”
There’s a big difference between asking how someone is doing because you actually care, or because you just want something.
I had a friend who I talked to daily for over a year who very rarely checked up on me, even when I clearly stated I wasn’t doing alright. The only times she did check up on me was when SHE was having a rough time herself and wanted support. Eventually I just slowly withdrew from her, and even uninstalled Snapchat, our main source of communication unfortunately, without telling her.
Now on the other side, I have one friend who I talk to very rarely, but she will frequently (maybe every month or so) shoot me a text out of the blue just asking how I’m doing with life and all. She seems genuinely interested, and tends to call back to the last times she checked on me to see if I’ve improved/worsened since then. It’s not much, but she definitely makes me feel like I’m worth something. And it’s definitely the BEST trait a human can display.
2. The whining
Got out of a long relationship that turned into this just 6 months ago.
Would sit and moan, whinge and kick off about the most infinitesimal things for hours but when even serious issues came up in my life like my brother attempting suicide, her response was “well he’s an a**ehole anyway”.
3. The blame game
Have had people tell me “I can’t be there for you in any way, shape, or form, but I don’t want you to leave.”
And, for the double whammy, “I can’t handle you leaving right now. You’re making me angry that you brought up your issues. You can’t come to me for things like that. You knew I was upset.” All while crying/sobbing to make you feel bad.
4. The food hustle
I was “dating” a girl who said she was too busy to go on a date on Saturday, and that she was only free on Tuesdays.
She also said that she wanted to date other guys while dating me.
She later admitted that she was cycling boyfriends through the week for free food. I dropped her like a bag of moldy tangerines.
5. The happy pill
A girl once called me her “happy pill” a nickname her therapist created cause I genuinely made her life so much better but she cheated on me anyway, My friend told me that you only take a pill when you need it and i’ve lived by that and use that as a filter for all my relationships
6. The gold digger
I missed all the signs until she literally said “I’d leave you if we’re not rich”.
Well at least there wasn’t many ways of interpreting that one…
7. The list
I’m not a man, but I’ve known too many not-so-great women and have had guy friends used by women, so I think I can chime in here a little.
She never wants to listen to your complaints but that’s all she does herself
She asks about your bank account and your job often and says she’s “just wondering!”
She gets unreasonably mad when you forget a holiday
She makes ‘deals’ with you using her body; “If you buy me this, I’ll suck your d**k in the car”
She lies constantly about her own financial situation or personal relationships
She always wants to hang out with a specific friend of yours
She doesn’t thank you for things, but rather expects them
She manipulates you by threatening to withhold s** until she gets her way
She only says “I love you” when you give her something or do something for her
She never pays for anything herself
She guilt-trips the life out of you
She is unreasonably, explosively defensive when you voice your concerns regarding the relationship
8. The manipulator
She uses her emotions and body to get what she wants from you.
MAKES you feel like you need to spend more time/money on her w/ her.
She doesn’t understand the word NO.
9. Um…do we need to talk about Liz, buddy?
When she flirts with you all the time, and also everyone else, and asks you to come over to do complex electrical work and says she’ll take you out to dinner, and you agree because you like the work and like being around her, but she brings her kids along and ignores you the entire time.
Then when you’re not around her she never texts or calls and just waves at you when you pass her at work every day, making no effort to talk to you whatsoever. And when you try to talk to her she gives you short answers like “Yeeeaaaaah”
F**k you Liz
10. Just materialism
Small things like body language whenever you take her out could be decent indicators…
If she doesn’t really seem all that into you but chooses to go out with you anyways and she’s getting something out of it(food, materialistic things… Etc)
11. No give and take
If all of the problems you have in your relationship all of a sudden become your problem.
Recently got out of a relationship with someone who I thought I was gonna marry someday, but then little things like me saying “I just wish once in a while you’d make sacrifices in your schedule for me like I do for you” and I’d always hear “I never asked you to do that for me so that’s your problem”
12. Pain as a weapon
they will use their pain against you, making you feel like s**t.
Often they will make you feel bad for them or feel guilty. The goal is to make the guy sympathize with them as well as show vulnerability.
For example, the guy might catch himself thinking “she’s going through a rough time and everything will be better soon.”
They’ll try to isolate guys from friends, hobbies, and family if they can get away with it.
If said girl is the only person they have, they’ll stay even when things get really bad.
14. The test?
I have a way to test this based on my experience.
Flirt or hug her in front of her friends, if she’s not really interested in you, she won’t want her friends to think that she is, so she’ll reject you.
15. Hot and cold
Being too busy for you but expecting you to drop everything for her
Randomly off and on, affectionate then distant, hot and cold, easy signs she’s using you for comfort when things are off with other guys
16. A sense of unbalance
Pretty much the same as when any person is just using you — the relationship feels unbalanced and unequal, with you giving more than you are receiving.
In a good relationship, friendship, whatever, both people are giving what they want to give without coercion and both feel adequately rewarded for it. Sometimes one person needs more, sometimes the other, but it evens out over time.
When you feel like you’re being coerced into giving more than you really want, whether that’s with force or emotional manipulation or whatever, you’re being used and you’ll eventually resent it.
17. They don’t let you open up
anytime you try opening up, you’re acting off-character, selfish, an a**, etc. it’s usually the typical pathetic manipulation people pull to make you feel bad for either standing up for yourself or just trying to be you
18. The “negging” attraction
She doesn’t act that interested when you are interested, flirting, contacting her, but when you stop, suddenly she is very interested and contacts you, a lot until you act interested again, the cycle then repeats.
19. Good ol’ fashioned cheating
Lost a friend of 8 years telling him I literally caught his girl cheating on him. It was his first girlfriend and she could do no wrong.
She left him like a month after for a different dude than the one I caught her cheating with.
I reached out to him after but he blamed me for causing trouble between them.
20. Ok this one might not be serious…
She’s in desperate need of a lung transplant and is always complementing you about what nice lungs you have and making offhanded comments about how you don’t use your lungs much and could probably do okay without them.
21. Full-on materialism
She’s always making posts telling her friends where you took her for dinner, birthday, holidays, vacation and what gifts you’ve given her, but never once does she say anything about any unique qualities she finds attractive in you.
22. The errand boy
When asking you for something (time/money/physical effort), if you say yes, she will almost always and immediately look for something else to ask you for that is related.
eg: “Can you stop and pick up those hair things for me? [I say yes] Ok, can you also stop by the shop next door and get me that thing I like?”
This kind of things isn’t a big deal on occasion, but when it’s a repeating pattern, it’s a red flag.
23. Overwhelming jealousy
If she has other men in her life (in whatever capacity), but you’re not allowed to even speak to another woman – even an established platonic friend – without her flipping her s**t.
You are nothing to her but a source of drama and validation.
Run (do not walk) away.
24. The backup plan
Girl is using my buddy and he doesn’t see it.
She only reaches out to him when she’s single, nothing ever comes of it as she will find excuse after excuse to not actually meet up, then when she gets a new boyfriend she ghosts him unless something goes wrong and she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Guys, if she only reaches out to you when she’s hurt or vulnerable, she doesn’t want YOU she wants sympathy and knows you’ll give it to her.
25. The opportunist
Idk if it counts but when she takes A LOT of time to text back most of the time but as soon as you invite her to a really good place (where she won’t have to pay for anything) she is suddenly faster than Flash to respond and now answers quick as long as the topics are about going to said place.
26. Rose-tinted glasses
If this thought ever pops in your head, that’s already a sign. I don’t think a healthy relationship/friendship should ever have this doubt popping up in the very first place. Rose-tinted glasses are a very real thing and will make you stay in a bad relationship even though the flags are very obvious. I only hope those who are reading this thread can be brave enough to leave for your own good.
Some clearer signs:
• Lack of two-way communication: Only her issues matter, yours doesn’t. Similarly, if you’re the only one starting conversations but she doesn’t, but still keeps you around, start running.
• She only looks for you when she’s in trouble/needs a shoulder/having a bad time. A healthy relationship should share the good times as much as the bad times.
• Your worth to her is measured by the material things you can bring to the relationship. If you feel like once you stop investing money/time and you would lose her, stop whatever you are doing immediately and find a better person.
27. Oddly specific…
Claims to be mother Theresa, but your issues are either irrelevant or they are openly stating that they don’t care.
Searching 3+ months for a job and quitting after 2 weeks, rinse n repeat.
On your date night showing up and asking for money, so they can go drink with friends.
A handshake and a congrats for your birthday.
Proclaiming “I bought a house” on social media, while it’s all in your name and you pay for everything.
No, I’m not bitter anymore, why?
They’ll just lie to you, even if you have proof. It will usually start small and escalate to bigger things.
They want the dude to question his reality and be more open to manipulation
29. S** as a weapon
When you’re justifiably upset by something they did and they try to use s** to make you get over it or forget about it.
Similarly, kissing you to physically stop you from talking about something important they don’t want to listen to.
30. All about you
Dated a girl for a little over a year who refused to do anything i wanted to do but expected me to do everything she wanted to do. so that.
Like, I hate board games but put up with them because she was into them and i wanted to do things she enjoyed, but any time i recommended we do something i enjoy (IE taking a walk after eating) she would just say “I don’t get any enjoyment out of doing that…”
She then proceeded to cheat on me via craigslist.
Yeah, I’d say those are all things to avoid.
Have you had experience with this sort of thing?
Tell us about it in the comments.