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A little birdie told me that you like funny tweets. Get it? A little birdie? Because Twitter? Look, I’m not the best at writing jokes. So it’s a good thing that there are all these better comedy writers banging out these awesome tweets for us both to enjoy!
Here are 12 of the best ones you maybe haven’t seen yet.
12. Leave her alone
I don’t even get this joke, why am I laughing right now?
britney spears signing the declaration of independence (1776) pic.twitter.com/vVCzpyj6Wy
— keaton kilde (@keatonkildebell) July 4, 2020
11. Looks like we made it
Started from the bottom now we’re here.
me as soon as i become mutuals with someone on twitter pic.twitter.com/3Sc6wcG2jX
— skye ✿ (@vinylbowie) July 4, 2020
10. Party pooper
Turns out viruses don’t really care if you’re bored.
covid listening as you head off to your Fourth of July pool party and bbq pic.twitter.com/VeP21arcqU
— Robbie Couch (@robbie_couch) July 4, 2020
9. How Lowe’s can you go?
Great, now I’ve got another term to look up.
You’re not a Plant Gay™️. You’re a 30-year old who went to Lowe’s with no self-control.
— shania twink (@onphileek) July 3, 2020
8. This aged poorly
Let’s not get it started in here.
Happy 11th anniversary to the worst thing I’ve ever posted pic.twitter.com/YzA1KfwAbU
— Michael Benjamin (@mfbenji) July 3, 2020
7. Covering your bases
That counts as a legal disclaimer, I’m pretty sure.
my only kink is giving pages and pages of sound, good advice to a friend and then waiting 37 seconds before hitting them with the grand finale, the big show—“but I could be wrong haha”
— 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗯 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 (@calebsaysthings) July 5, 2020
6. Trixie little thieves
Girl, pick up your face.
— Trixie Mattel (@trixiemattel) July 4, 2020
5. Plant smack
Gotta prove that I’m tall.
whenever i walk by a tree pic.twitter.com/xSYEUDWiiF
— eduardonut (@eduardonut0) July 3, 2020
4. Stick it to ’em
A reminder that these “life hack” recipe videos are garbage.
— uosuoɹq (@leftism) July 4, 2020
3. Lunch broken
Teach ’em how to say goodbye.
THE FINGER OVER THE MOUTH LMFAOOO pic.twitter.com/baHbG1sq35
— 𝔰𝔥𝔶 (@shycsmith) July 4, 2020
2. Dream ballet
Have we ALL used this alarm at some point?
I swear to God this is why I’m always late pic.twitter.com/s5qneiKyJM
— Princess of all Saiyans (@TerryToIdiT) July 5, 2020
1. Ghost in the machine
When you get left on read…FOR ALL ETERNITY!
when they suddenly stop talking to u pic.twitter.com/hp5HpUe5pV
— Eliott💥 (@CaseForTheFBI) July 5, 2020
A little birdie told me that’s all the tweets we have for now. A big bird told me that this post was brought to you by the letter M and the number 4. My therapist told me that I really need to learn to stop talking to birds because they’re not my real friends. My editor is telling me to wrap this up now.
Who are the best people to follow on Twitter right now?
Tell us in the comments.