Okay, this story might sound a little complicated, so stick with me. A fella named Jacob Brown posted a bullet-pointed list that he says was written by his ex-girlfriend. The list is a “how-to” guide for his next potential girlfriend. Whoever it is, she’s going to be a very lucky woman. That was sarcasm, by the way.

This guide to Mr. Brown’s heart is, quite frankly, insane. And it’s really loooong. But, if you want to be that lucky lady, you have to play by Mr. Brown’s rules.

Here is the “how-to” guide that Brown claims his ex-girlfriend wrote for him. Either way, it’s totally ridiculous.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Part 6:

Part 7:

Hmmmmm. Two things: Sounds like Brown isn’t really looking for a partner, but a maid/mother to take care of him. AND I have a feeling (and so do some other people) that Brown’s ex-girlfriend didn’t write this, but Mr. Brown did it himself.

I mean, look at that last paragraph. That is out of control. “He’s so perfect and I hope you are “the one” he’s always been talking about.” Wow.

People on Twitter thought the whole situation was absurd and hilarious.

And Mr. Brown got ROASTED.

Oh so roasted…

Burned to a crisp…

And this jokester made up their own list to mimic Brown’s and it is pretty hilarious.

So funny!

Yikes! Not a look, Jacob! Not a good look at all…

To all the guys out there, definitely do NOT follow this man’s lead.