I’ve honestly never spent too much time considering it, but I suppose that pizza delivery people probably have all kinds of good stories – hopefully not of the gross or scary variety, though I’m sure those aren’t terribly uncommon.
You’re sort of let into people’s lives – or at least their front doors – on a regular basis, and as anyone who has ever worked in customer service can tell you, people consistently provide something to talk about (whether they mean to or not).
This pizza delivery girl keeps a list of her best (?) encounters on her phone, and I submit to you that they are 100% worth reading.
17. There is definitely more to this story.
An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pearl-handled .32 snub nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to load it (I do) and also, if I could load it for her (I didn’t).
16. Just because you’re a pizza delivery person you smoke weed?
Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bit*h get your own dealer sheesh)
15. Props to this girl for being a way better sport than I ever would be.
A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us.
He did the duck lips thing in every shot.
14. People actually do this in real life?
A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks + sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door.
Multiple knockings were of no avail.
13. What on earth is wrong with some people?
A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I’m female.
She proceeded to snatch my driver’s license out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her children while pointing back at me.
12. I have a lot of questions for such a short entry.
A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash.
11. Yeah, no, that’s not happening.
A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door.
He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was “obstructing the mail system” and demanded my social security number so he could “report me to the proper authorities”.
10. That’s not exactly how I would expect someone to treat his daughter.
A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the “spitting image” of his deceased daughter.
9. Old people can be such sweethearts.
An elderly man who wrote “FUCK OFF” as his signature on a credit receipt.
8. The real question is how did she not puke?
A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose.
He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt.
7. You’ve gotta love the smell of judgement with your pizza.
A woman who slipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoo removal clinic, explaining “In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be.”
6. I hope she at least educated them on why Bud Light is a terrible choice.
A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them.
5. Where do some people get off, I swear. If you don’t have the cash, don’t order your pizza.
A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote “get a real car” in the tip portion of my credit receipt.
4. I honestly hope he found someone to talk to.
A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he “works so hard”.
He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn’t do anything.
3. I really don’t know what to say about this, but that guy…might need to find away to unwind.
A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote “0.00” in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me.
It said “pizza tip” in the “For” section.
2. People just don’t want to commit to the part anymore.
At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice.
1. I would have stayed and partied with them, for sure.
A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Harry Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots.
They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them.
I don’t know if I could do the job, but God bless food delivery people. I might not ever eat, otherwise.
Could you do it? How would you have handled some of these people? Let us know in the comments!