I’m not a medical professional of any stripe, I got my degree in theatre because I hate having money and love disappointing my parents. But I imagine that if I had gone into that more noble arena of healthcare the hardest part would likely be simply being patient with patients. Imagine you’ve spent nearly a decade in school and God knows how much money gathering the knowledge you need in order to treat someone who walks in not knowing their elbow from a hole in the ground. It’s gotta be frustrating.

To illustrate that point, here are 10 anonymous stories from real medical professionals about the dumbest patients they’ve ever had to deal with.

10. Water fight

“Guess who was next in line that day.”

Source: Whisper

9. Herp a derp

How were you not told this up front?

Source: Whisper

8. A big waste

I refuse to believe this…it CAN’T be right.

Source: Whisper

7. Finger on the pulse

I’m no doctor but I’m gonna guess yes.

Source: Whisper

6. Baby crazy

Our bodies don’t super duper care about our voting laws.

Source: Whisper

5. Gum dumbs

I feel personally attacked by this one.

Source: Whisper

4. Not the brightest

Why did this even come up in a medical discussion?

Source: Whisper

3. Bad news, bad news

This is actually pretty heartbreaking.

Source: Whisper

2. Proof of concept

“She feebly whispered ‘I can’t breathe.'”

Source: Whisper

1. Raid on my parade

Please don’t spray your bits with insecticide.

Source: Whisper

As much as I’d like to be making doctor money, I’m not envious of them after that rundown. Remember everybody, listen to your medical professionals. They went to school for this and everything.

What’s the weirdest medical conversation you’ve heard?

Tell us in the comments.