Put on your emo hoodies, gents, because today we’re gonna delve into some heartbreak and betrayal.
The guys (and gals) of Reddit have got some red flags they think we should all look out for. And some are pretty obviously very personal.
1. A sense of unbalance
Pretty much the same as when any person is just using you — the relationship feels unbalanced and unequal, with you giving more than you are receiving.
In a good relationship, friendship, whatever, both people are giving what they want to give without coercion and both feel adequately rewarded for it. Sometimes one person needs more, sometimes the other, but it evens out over time.
When you feel like you’re being coerced into giving more than you really want, whether that’s with force or emotional manipulation or whatever, you’re being used and you’ll eventually resent it.
2. They don’t let you open up
anytime you try opening up, you’re acting off-character, selfish, an a**, etc. it’s usually the typical pathetic manipulation people pull to make you feel bad for either standing up for yourself or just trying to be you
3. The “negging” attraction
She doesn’t act that interested when you are interested, flirting, contacting her, but when you stop, suddenly she is very interested and contacts you, a lot until you act interested again, the cycle then repeats.
4. Good ol’ fashioned cheating
Lost a friend of 8 years telling him I literally caught his girl cheating on him. It was his first girlfriend and she could do no wrong.
She left him like a month after for a different dude than the one I caught her cheating with.
I reached out to him after but he blamed me for causing trouble between them.
5. Ok this one might not be serious…
She’s in desperate need of a lung transplant and is always complementing you about what nice lungs you have and making offhanded comments about how you don’t use your lungs much and could probably do okay without them.
6. Full-on materialism
She’s always making posts telling her friends where you took her for dinner, birthday, holidays, vacation and what gifts you’ve given her, but never once does she say anything about any unique qualities she finds attractive in you.
7. The errand boy
When asking you for something (time/money/physical effort), if you say yes, she will almost always and immediately look for something else to ask you for that is related.
eg: “Can you stop and pick up those hair things for me? [I say yes] Ok, can you also stop by the shop next door and get me that thing I like?”
This kind of things isn’t a big deal on occasion, but when it’s a repeating pattern, it’s a red flag.
8. Overwhelming jealousy
If she has other men in her life (in whatever capacity), but you’re not allowed to even speak to another woman – even an established platonic friend – without her flipping her s**t.
You are nothing to her but a source of drama and validation.
Run (do not walk) away.
9. The backup plan
Girl is using my buddy and he doesn’t see it.
She only reaches out to him when she’s single, nothing ever comes of it as she will find excuse after excuse to not actually meet up, then when she gets a new boyfriend she ghosts him unless something goes wrong and she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Guys, if she only reaches out to you when she’s hurt or vulnerable, she doesn’t want YOU she wants sympathy and knows you’ll give it to her.
10. The opportunist
Idk if it counts but when she takes A LOT of time to text back most of the time but as soon as you invite her to a really good place (where she won’t have to pay for anything) she is suddenly faster than Flash to respond and now answers quick as long as the topics are about going to said place.
11. Rose-tinted glasses
If this thought ever pops in your head, that’s already a sign. I don’t think a healthy relationship/friendship should ever have this doubt popping up in the very first place. Rose-tinted glasses are a very real thing and will make you stay in a bad relationship even though the flags are very obvious. I only hope those who are reading this thread can be brave enough to leave for your own good.
Some clearer signs:
• Lack of two-way communication: Only her issues matter, yours doesn’t. Similarly, if you’re the only one starting conversations but she doesn’t, but still keeps you around, start running.
• She only looks for you when she’s in trouble/needs a shoulder/having a bad time. A healthy relationship should share the good times as much as the bad times.
• Your worth to her is measured by the material things you can bring to the relationship. If you feel like once you stop investing money/time and you would lose her, stop whatever you are doing immediately and find a better person.
12. Oddly specific…
Claims to be mother Theresa, but your issues are either irrelevant or they are openly stating that they don’t care.
Searching 3+ months for a job and quitting after 2 weeks, rinse n repeat.
On your date night showing up and asking for money, so they can go drink with friends.
A handshake and a congrats for your birthday.
Proclaiming “I bought a house” on social media, while it’s all in your name and you pay for everything.
No, I’m not bitter anymore, why?
They’ll just lie to you, even if you have proof. It will usually start small and escalate to bigger things.
They want the dude to question his reality and be more open to manipulation
14. S** as a weapon
When you’re justifiably upset by something they did and they try to use s** to make you get over it or forget about it.
Similarly, kissing you to physically stop you from talking about something important they don’t want to listen to.
15. All about you
Dated a girl for a little over a year who refused to do anything i wanted to do but expected me to do everything she wanted to do. so that.
Like, I hate board games but put up with them because she was into them and i wanted to do things she enjoyed, but any time i recommended we do something i enjoy (IE taking a walk after eating) she would just say “I don’t get any enjoyment out of doing that…”
She then proceeded to cheat on me via craigslist.
Best of luck, gents. Find somebody who deserves you.
Have you had experiences like this?
Tell us about them in the comments.