Sometimes people try to defend their racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, and/or xenophobic comments by claiming the comments were “just a joke” and why aren’t you laughing?
It’s annoying, because most of us don’t know how exactly to reply in the moment, so we just let it go.
But Twitter user Heather Thompson Day has some advice on how to handle the situation smoothly (if you want to call them out, which you should).
When I was 19 my boss said I should be a phone sex operator & laughed.
I said “I don’t get it”
He said “it’s a joke”
I said “explain it to me”
& that’s how I learned that once sexual harrassers have to explain why their inappropriate jokes are funny, they stop laughing.
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019
She also got some great advice from her pops! This guy sounds like he knows his stuff.
My dad just told me “never laugh. They will mistake your nervous laughter as compliance. Instead, pretend you don’t get it, and watch them explain to you why you should be laughing.” I’ve used this advice my whole life since.
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019
Other women have chimed in to share what they’re thinking in those moments and how they handle it, too, and to be honest, any of them would work.
Ahhhh, racism… you seem to show your face in so many ways these days.
I had the same happen to me except it was a SUPER racist joke, old guy at work told it to me and says "That's funny innit it?" I said "No, that was extremely racist" he stopped laughing and just looked a little lost. I guess no one had ever called him out on it before. 🤷🏻♀️
— Impossible Souffle (@kymi_lian) November 9, 2019
Ahhhh, sexism… you seem to show your face in so many ways these days.
I was 12 in a Bodega and dude behind the counter saw my top which had "58" on it asked me, "is that how may men you been with?" He laughed. I didn't. I was stunned and disgusted.
I left and got my mom. She stormed in and demanded to know what was so funny? He stopped laughing.
— Valerie (@MommyRandR) November 8, 2019
And it’s really about being direct. Very direct. Like, painfully direct.
My first internship was in a very professional company. We learned direct questions quickly stop inappropriate workplace comments. Direct eye contact:
1) I don't understand — explain it to me.
2) Help me to understand — repeat it.
3) Can you provide an example?
It works.— LiteFanFun (@LiteFanFun) November 9, 2019
And ALWAYS ask people to explain… because they usually don’t. Unless you beg. Like Rhi here.
I do this with kids and teens at camp!! Whenever I overhear them going 'haha that's gay' or whatever I always just interrupt and ask why that's funny. They try and brush it off but I say no, I really want to get the joke, and I insist they explain.
— Rhi 🦆 (@qwertyuiorhi) November 8, 2019
It shuts them right the hell up! Harassment be gone!
I did the same thing to a guy who harassed me on a train. He said some rather disgusting things and I looked him dead in the eyes and said "tell me how you think that's an appropriate thing to say. Explain it to me" he was not happy and got real quiet so I could leave.
— Chess! ♿️ 🏳️⚧️ (@Captain_Ogilvy) November 8, 2019
It’s not that I want someone to be a douchebag to me anytime soon, but I’m kind of looking forward to being armed and dangerous when it inevitably does happen again.
Because it will happen again. That much I know is inevitable.
How do you handle these situations? And tips and tricks of your own?
We’d love to hear them! Tell us in the comments!
Thanks, as always, fam!