Listen, as a not-that-feminine woman who was married and had children late in her 30s/40s, I’m tempted to just laugh at both of these women who are way, way too concerned about those things in their early-to-mid-twenties.
But, you’re not here to read my opinions on feminism, you’re hear to judge whether or not OP (original poster) was too mean in her comeback to a “friend” who just couldn’t shut up about how she should be getting married first.
So, here we go, with a little back story.
So I’m engaged. This news has been circling through my old high school friends and I’ve been getting a lot of nice messages about it from everyone except this girl Kate. Kate and I were friends in middle school/high school, but I haven’t spoken to her since then (we are both 25).
The two were friends in high school, despite being different sorts of females, but haven’t kept in touch since.
When we were kids she was very clear that her whole goal in life was to get married and become a SAHM. Dope, you do you. She’s always been very traditional and feminine and I’ve always been very tomboyish/masculine. This never posed an issue when we were friends.
OP is now engaged (presumably to someone from high school), and the jealous friend can’t stop her bitter comments.
Since I got engaged Kate has felt the need to let me, and everyone else, know how she “doesn’t understand how” I’m engaged. She said “OP is just not what anyone thinks of as wife material” and “OP just isn’t very feminine, it’s surprising she’s getting married first” or just straight up making fun of the fact that I make more money than my fiance and he’s taking my last name.
OP asked her nicely to stop, letting her know that the running commentary hurt her feelings, but nothing changed.
I sent her a message “hey kate. I’ve heard from some other people what you’ve been saying and it’s hurtful to me” and she hasn’t stopped. My best friend thinks I should be more empathetic because Kate always imagined she’d be pregnant with baby #1 at 25, and instead she’s never even had a boyfriend.
So, she let her have it.
This is where I might be TA. We were in a group chat talking about my wedding and Kate said “it’s crazy that you’re getting married when you don’t even shave your legs” and I just snapped and wrote “stop sh^tting on me just because you’re lonely. No one wants to marry you because you have no thoughts or feelings or ambitions outside of being a wife or a mother. You’re just jealous because I’m successful and happy and you’re living at home with mom and dad and failing on Christian Mingle”
Now she’s wondering whether she should have just blocked her and let it go – other friends had told “Kate” to shut her yap, too, to no avail.
I know I was mean, but I feel like I was pushed and I tried to tell her that she was hurting me. Other people told her to stop as well.
People who commented largely said that OP was harsh, but not necessarily out of line.
People like “Kate” are never going to stop, and only get butthurt when their own feelings are in the meat grinder, after all.
Others think ESH (everyone sucks here) because yeah, OP could have taken the high road.
She could have removed her from the group, blocked her, or been, idk, a little less harsh.
But like I said at the beginning of this piece, it’s hard to muster that much emotion for either one of them, to be honest.
What do you think? Everyone sucks, right?
I’ve never seen a clearer ESH on Am I The A**hole, actually.
Let me know in the comments whether or not you agree!