Just because someone is giving you a piece of life advice that sounds nice or positive or pleasant doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to be good for you in the long run.
That’s what this user was getting at on Ask Reddit:
There were a ton of responses, and many were followed by caveats, but here are some of the most interesting bits of self-care advice to rethink.
1. “Expect unconditional support”
That you should expect unconditional support love and acceptance from friends or romantic partners.
Popular idea, but if people really care they will tell you when you are harming yourself or others rather than just keep the vibe chill.
2. “Lift yourself, bury others”
The sort of “positivity” that relies on dragging other people down.
I see it the most around body image issues in particular (but can apply to other things too), and I just think it’s really sad.
It doesn’t solve any of the underlying issues, just makes more people feel rubbish about themselves!
3. “There’s no falling back in love”
Once you fall out of love with someone, you cannot fall back in love with them.
Worst advice I ever got. I’m so glad I gave it a second try.
4. “Don’t be a victim”
Had someone tell me, not to let my wife feel like a victim after being sexually assaulted.
I hear people say this a lot because they think it helps real victims feel less like one, but people need to process things. They can’t just run through the healing process by pretending it didn’t happen.
5. “Do whatever feels right”
Sometimes what feels right is cutting your veins open but that’s not gonna heal you.
6. “Test your friendships”
Any kind of advice that tells you to test friendships by withholding contact to see if they’ll notice or straight up tells you to drop friends that don’t reach out to you regularly.
This is a very selfish and passive aggressive thing to do. If you miss your friend then call them up, don’t play cat and mouse games.
Maybe they have s**t going on in their lives, the world does not revolve around you.
7. “Blood is thicker than water”
The whole “blood is thicker than water” advice where you should feel obligated to be loyal to your family no matter what.
If they are toxic or abusive then there is no reason for you to keep that around in your life, especially if it is detrimental to your own well-being/mental health.
8. “Nature is an anti-depressant”
“This is a cure (shows a picture of the woods) this is poison (shows some anti depressents)” shut the f**k up, some people need anti depressants to function.
Going for a walk in the woods will not just magically cure your depression. – Turbobrickx7
9. “Man up”
“Man up” “Keep it together” or “be strong” when you’re either in pain or on the verge of tears for different reasons, as if crying is a sin when you’re a guy
10. “Stop looking for love and it will come to you”
Maybe that works if you’re naturally attractive and naturally interested in things that enhance your attractiveness (IE. Working out, makeup, fashion, whatever.).
But if you’re a shy, introverted person of average-to-below attractiveness…this is good advice to stay sad and alone forever.
11. “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone.”
I love my girlfriend, I love my friends, I love my family, I love my cat. Still don’t love myself!
But that doesn’t make my love for others any less meaningful!
12. “You never know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone”
This saying is intended to remind you to appreciate what you have and cautions that if you don’t and it leaves you will regret it.
This saying popped into my head a million times after I left my abusive ex. Context really matters with these life mantras/wellness advice.
13. And again…
For lonely people: “You can’t love others until you learn to love yourself”
While having self respect is important in establishing a healthy relationship, to some this can lead to a downward spiral of feeling unlovable because they’re incapable of self-love.
14. “Negative thoughts are toxic”
I once went on a three-day yoga retreat and on the first day the woman running it gave us all elastic bands to put around our wrists to snap any time we had a negative thought.
That alone is bad enough in my opinion, but even worse she would walk around listening to people’s conversations and snap other people’s rubber bands if she heard them saying something she interpreted as negative.
You are absolutely allowed to experience a variety of emotions while navigating the world, and refusing to allow that to yourself and others is what’s actually toxic.
15. Toxic posetivity
When you’re going through a hard time, it’s good to allow yourself to go through the emotions. If you start invalidating your own struggle by way of focusing on the positive, it’s gaslighting yourself.
Feel all the feels. Go through it, not around it.
Not all advice is created equal.
What’s a piece of advice you don’t like?
Share it with us in the comments.