Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not boast. It keeps no record of wrongs. Except for the hilariously dumb things that your love says and does. Those records are etched in stone. Those are eternal. If ever you and your love should make or renew vows, those will be included in them. That’s just how it goes, and it’s amazing.
A Reddit user with the beautifully succinct username halcyon_n_on_n_on went to r/AskReddit and posed this question:
There are tens of thousands of comments and they’re pretty much all gold. We’ve covered some of our favorite responses about girlfriends/wives elsewhere – this time, we’re focusing on the best responses about fellas. Here are 15 stories about the dumbest things peoples’ husbands/boyfriends have ever said or done. Enjoy. For the sake of love.
1. There was this amateur botanist.
I asked him to plant a baby tree in the back garden.
The next day I saw it and thought it looked strange.
Walked up and it had been planted upside down. He thought the roots were tiny limp branches.
Laughed for days
2. A father so proud that he forgets who he is.
I had a kid prior to getting together with my fiance and having a second daughter.
The father of my eldest is not in the picture and my wonderful fiance has taken her on as his own. To the point that he frequently forgets that she isn’t his genetic offspring.
We were at a holiday party at his parents house.
I was talking to my future sister in law about my eldest and her night terrors when fiance pops off with “she gets that from my side of the family…” cue really confused faces all around. His sister sat there and started questioning what other genetic diseases my eldest has magically got from stepdad. It took a few minutes before he figured it out.
I love this man…
3. New dads clearly have a lot to learn.
As I’m in labor with our daughter, my husband asks “Do you want her to have an innie or an outie belly button?” Weird question, but whatever.
So I tell him I don’t mind either way, both are cute. And then he says “Yeah, but when the Dr asks, which should we pick for her?”
He thought when they clamp the umbilical cord, parents tell the Dr the type of belly button they prefer. He’s really smart, I promise.
4. Gotta love this would-be chimney sweep.
One time my husband called me at work, “Babe, you’re gonna be mad, I made a mess but don’t worry I’ll fix it!” I didn’t even ask, just sighed, because he is basically Lucy from I Love Lucy. When I got home a little bit later it was to a living room COVERED in gray powder, my husband completely filthy with a trash bag and broom and a super panicked look on his face.
Turned out he’d decided to help around the house and wanted to clean the fireplace, he’d just decided the best way to do it would be to stand in front of it with a trash bag and use the leaf blower to blow the ashes in. – Spoiler – that doesnt work. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I laughed my ass off and it’s still one of my favorite weird things he’s done
5. Here’s a confession from the man himself.
I’ll answer for my wife.
I had gone to Home Depot to pick up a trailer hitch ball for my truck. I didn’t realize that they had different shaft sizes, and I didn’t know which size I needed, so I called my wife and this conversation took place:
Me: “Are you at the house?” Her: “Yeah, why?” Me: “Can you go out to the driveway and measure the hole in the bumper of my truck? It should be either 1/2-inch or 3/4-inch.”
There’s a pause…
Her: “Isn’t your truck with you?”
Yes. Yes it was. That was how I had gotten to Home Depot. I forgot.
6. Some men were born to ponder the mysteries of the cosmos.
My boyfriend as we were looking up at the beautiful night sky.
“Wow, there’s so much we don’t know about the universe. Like where the stars go during the day. Are they still there? If not, where do they go?”.
He was dead serious.
7. This couple can’t get over these past tents.
My husband and I were at Canadian Tire and they had tiny examples of tents (basically looked like they were made for barbie dolls) and the pricing for each underneath.
He turned to me shocked and asked, “why are these so expensive for such tiny tents?!”.
I almost died laughing.
8. Another hilarious confessional here.
We were sitting in a bus in the middle of heavy rush hour traffic.
I’m kind of a car geek, so I spotted a mint condition 1970s classic Mustang.
I just went and said “Look honey! A car!”
There were hundreds of them.
… I don’t think she’ll let me live this down.
9. Maybe this guy misunderstood the “waste not, want not” principle.
I love my husband but I have watched him empty a vacuum cleaner bag into a wire wastebasket.
10. They say men refuse to ask for directions, but this is ridiculous.
My boyfriend didn’t realize Apple Maps gives directions.
He called me in a panic because he was lost and didn’t know how to get home. I calmly told him to open Maps and type in our address and it’ll navigate him home. He wouldn’t believe me. He insisted that Apple Maps is “just a general map of your nearby area.” I pleaded and pleaded with him to just try it and he refused.
He eventually made it home an hour later which I then sat him down and showed him how to use Apple Maps.
11. We’re guessing this one isn’t a chef.
My boyfriend thought that a sushi roll was a cross section of a raw eel.
12. Some of these dumb moments become treasured inside jokes.
My boyfriend (now husband) and I were playing cash cab when we first started dating.
For those of you who don’t know the concept of this game you have to try to answer as many questions as you can in a short amount of time, so you obviously answer really fast.
My question to him was “what animal in Africa kills the most people a year.” And he blurted out very loudly “ANTS!!!!”
I laughed so hard I was crying. 11 years later we still every once and awhile look at each other with a wild look in our eyes and yell “ANTS!”
13. Being bilingual is so sexy.
We passed by LA Fitness and I said, “oh cool there’s LA Fitness,” and he said, “I always thought it was la fitnesse”
14. Dumb can of course be dangerous…
He picked up our friend’s keys, thinking one of her keychains was a laser pointer.
It was mace.
He got a nice spray to the face and I was sitting right next to him, so I got a lovely dose as well. For the next 30 minutes or so the ENTIRE apartment was coughing and dying and trying to air the place out. Even our friend who was upstairs showering could feel the effects.
Still love him tho
15. And then there’s this gem.
He is super grossed out my periods, when I asked him what he would do if we had a daughter he replied “I just won’t change her diaper that time of the month.”
Here’s to all the dumb guys, and to the smart/normal guys who do occasional dumb things. Count yourself lucky that you’re got such great partners!
What’s the dumbest thing your S/O has ever said or done?
Tell us in the comments.