Renting in cheap apartments or other living spaces often means getting intimately acquainted with your neighbors whether you like it or not. Ordinarily this is incredibly annoying, although it does sometimes afford us some glimpses of weirdness and entertainment as well. A massive collection of such stories was formed when Reddit user EskildDood took to r/AskReddit to pose the question:
Nearly 60,000 comments later we’ve got just about an endless supply of tales of neighborly intrigue. Here are just a few of the things you might learn about folks if you have thin walls…
1. You may learn about their niche job.
my old neighbour was a cam girl and I could hear absolutely everything she said in every single session for a good 4 months.
pretty much learned the names of her clients.
I work from home and it was always a gamble whenever I had to meet with someone virtually.
2. You could find out you’re getting screwed.
I once heard a former roommate laughing with his then girlfriend about how they’re f**king me over on money.
Turned out they were taking my utility portion and buying various games and alcohol.
Instead of confronting them, I confirmed what they said with the utilities company (they hadn’t paid the bill is 2 months) and I moved all my stuff out that day while they were at work. For good measure, I took myself off the lease and told them about the GF that had been there 6 months.
3. Maybe you’ll be reminded to tidy up.
I can hear when my neighbors vacuum. Our building tends to vaccuum together as a result.
I hear my upstairs neighbor and go “oh hey i should vaccuum havent done that in awhile and its already noisy”. Then my downstairs neighbor and my left hand neighbor start vacuuming. It’s kinda hilarious.
My right hand neighbor doesn’t vaccuum with us but does sing opera while doing dishes.
4. You may learn to love again.
My downstairs neighbors are a couple with a one year old boy. The babies room is right under mine. They speak so sweetly to him I’m not even mad that I can hear them so clearly.
One morning the dad went in to get the baby out of bed and I hear him go “can you say daddy? Can you say daddy?” And in the tiniest little voice I heard “daddy”
My heart melted.
5. You could solve a mystery…
Years ago I had an upstairs neighbor. At 2am, every night, I would hear something sprint across the entire apartment.
I realized three things, it was very fast, it took small strides, and it never deviated from its path.
One day, I saw my neighbor outside and I said, “I dont know how you have energy at 2am?” He responded with, “Dude, I’ve been working the midnight to 8am shift for 15 years. Doesnt bother me at all”.
That night, I watched him leave his house, drive off, and waited two hours. At exactly 2am, I heard what sounded like two feet hit the floor in his bedroom, and the marathon started.
A few weeks later, I see him outside. I tell him what I hear at night and he says, “That’s strange, no one has my keys, it’s just me and my rabbit up there.”
6. Perhaps you’ll brush up on your zoology.
I once heard an argument that went a little like this:
“Stop treating me like I’m stupid!”
“You asked if Seahorses were mammals, Jessica!”
“THEY GIVE LIVE BIRTH.”
7. You could get examples of what not to do.
My upstairs neighbors taking turns zapping each other with a stun gun, hitting the floor, groaning in pain, and then laughing like Beavis and Butthead.
8. You may enjoy a hidden beauty.
I actually manage an apartment complex where my office is surrounded by a one bedroom unit. The building is old and the walls are thin. The tenant that used to live in the unit was a quiet man but would frequently sing beautiful opera music. His voice was amazing and I loved it every time I heard him sing!
Then one time I saw him in the halls and made the mistake of asking if he was the one who sang these beautiful opera songs. His face turned red but he confirmed that it was him. I told him that I always enjoyed it when I heard him sing and that it would always brighten my day.
Never should have said anything because I never heard him sing again.
– [user deleted]
9. You might find yourself a little too intimately involved.
I’ve heard and felt the neighbors upstairs having s*x.
And apparently they like to rearrange the furniture at least twice a week.
10. What about an exclusive soap opera?
Heard the couple next door arguing.
The wife was furious because she realized he had been cheating on her after she found out she had chlamydia.
He tried to convince her that she must have been the unfaithful one. She still lives there. He doesn’t.
11. Remember, they might hear you too.
Not in my house, but I travel a lot for work and stay in a lot of hotels.
So far my favorite was hearing someone banging around in the shower for a while then this exchange:
(Loudly) “Hey! Wash my balls.”
(Louder) “Wash your own godd**ned balls!”
(Yelling) “F**k you, your pussy stinks!”
They got quiet after that, probably because they heard me howling with laughter and realized people could hear them.
12. Listen in on what people say about you behind your back…
I moved from far away, so I have a different state license plate than everyone else at the apartment complex.
A couple of days ago I head my upstairs neighbor drunkenly ranting to his wife about what he thinks I’m up to. He’s convinced that I’m on the run from something.
I’m just in grad school lmao.
13. You might just save a life.
“Gina, I love you! Gina no! Gina, dammit put the knife down!!” At this point, both the apartments adjoining to Gina’s called the police.
Gina’s husband decided to spend the night elsewhere.
14. Or be reminded of what a bad relationship looks like.
I lived next to a couple some years ago and they came home after a night out and started fighting about who was better at darts.
I thought they were joking but it got pretty heated. Doors were slammed.
15. Or something inexplicable could happen.
“F**k you, man! If you don’t like spaghetti, then you don’t like me!”
I’ve been lucky enough not to have loud neighbors for a while, though I feel bad for my downstairs neighbors as our floors are quite creaky. They’ve complained about it, I’ve tried to learn how to hover, but so far, no luck.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve heard through a wall?
Tell us the tale in the comments.