Useless talents, or useless skills. We’ve all got ’em. I’m really good at the pogo stick, for example. I set a record of over 5,000 consecutive jumps as a kid.
Why? I have no idea. It wasn’t a competition. Nobody even saw me do it. I just jumped and counted in the driveway one morning until I got too tired to keep going. And it’s the little things like that you learn to treasure.
Let’s hear about some other useless treasures, via Reddit.
1. The impossible
I can fit the usb into the slot in the first try every time
2. Dirty Al
I can make a disgusting parody out of any song. ANY song.
3. The sweet sense
Knowing if someone is unpacking any sweets in the kitchen.
4. Just browsing
I trained for a long time to only move one eyebrow as a child and as a side effect I can wriggle my ear on that side too.
Once I could lift one eyebrow I was satisfied and didn’t bother to train the other side.
5. Burp beyond limits
I can burp whenever I want and as much I want, without limits.
I mean, I can fill my stomach with air at will, allowing me to burp again and again. Also I can hold it long enough to make it go down and allow me to rip massive 7-9 seconds long farts.
Downside is that is that all that air pressure makes me look like an 8-month pregnant.
Upside is that I don’t have to worry about constipation, all that pressure pushes my poop down so fast I literally sh*t brown missiles out my *ss. I also don’t have to worry about inflatables in the pool/sea, I just float without a problem.
6. ϱnibɒɘɿ ɘƨɿɘvɘЯ
I can read mirrored writing (without mirror), read upside down writing (without turning anything upside down), and read mirrored upside down writing (you guessed it. Without using mirrors or turning anything upside down).
7. The true accent
I can imitate nearly any accent and sound like a native speaker. (has been confirmed by people I’ve met from a variety of nations, and no, they weren’t just being polite to the goofy American.) I can’t speak French for sh*t though. I sound like Clark Griswold in “National Lampoon’s European Vacation”.
8. Forget and forget
I have a wonderful ability to forget people’s names almost immediately after they tell me then avoid asking until its reached a point where it’s far too awkward to bring it up
9. Speaking my language
I can program in shellscript, it’s useful on very rare occasions.
10. Sniff ’em out
I can tell when a u.s. currency bill is counterfeit with my eyes closed.
11. Opening doors
Not super useless since it has a few uses but I can open doors with my feet.
It’s best with doorknobs.
If I have my hands full and I’m not wearing any shoes or socks I usually do this method.
12. Take the stairs
I am exceptional at going down stairs two at a time
13. That rocks
I am weirdly good at skipping rocks.
Just did it a lot as a kid and now people get excited when I toss a rock and it skips 20 times.
14. Work up an appetite
When I start talking about food people start drooling.
Apparently I just start getting really descriptive about the things I like.
Came in handy when I was working as a waiter at one restaurant and a cashier at another. I was able to upsell more customers than anyone else.
Most of the time these days it is pretty useless.
15. Achieving enlightenment
You know that question “what is the sound of one hand clapping?”
I can answer it, with either hand.
I dunno, I’m pretty envious of some of those. The accent thing seems pretty killer.
What’s YOUR useless talent?
Tell us about it in the comments.