Sex. Ok now that I’ve got your attention, let’s talk about the opposite: lack of sex. People have lots of different reasons for not getting around to the birds and bees. Sometimes it’s a very sad story, other times it’s a simple little matter of personal preference. But there’s no denying that we’re a species and a culture that’s pretty obsessed with sexuality, so when there’s something in that arena we don’t find fitting, we get curious.
Which is what prompted this question from user Mindopalii on r/AskReddit:
There were about 10,000 responses. Being a virgin past your 20’s might bring derision in the real world, but this is the internet, where anonymity can work as a weapon, but also as a shield, enabling people to express themselves without becoming fully vulnerable.
1. A lot of the stories actually have pretty happy endings
I was 35. Fat, no self-esteem, the usual story. I had long-since given up on actively looking for dates. I was comfortable being single and had made peace with my life.Then I just happened to meet someone on a bus while on vacation and we clicked. Did the semi-long-distance thing for a couple months before properly hooking up.The first time was… predictably awkward. She knew what she was doing though and I’ve since figured things out.Practice makes perfect and whatnot. Eventually she moved in with me and we got married. Still are.
2. You never know when the right person will come along
Good friend of mine was in his late 30’s he suffered from some really bad social anxiety and as a result was really awkward in a lot of social settings, after collage he would work go home practice playing the drums or watch movies. He wouldn’t even travel (I invited him on my adventures several times he would always find a reason to not come) dude basically worked a good job to make money and buy/ build a gnarly home theater.This last year he decided he was going to try online dating and sh^t went sideways (we all have bad online dating stories) I convinced him to take up recreational sports he met a girl playing soccer and they have been together for like 6 months and he lost it to her. He’s really come out of his shell the last little bit
3. Unfortunately, people can damage us, and take something away
I’m 40 and still a virgin (something I never thought I’d be freely admitting on the internet to strangers, but there you go). Basically my parents told me from a really young age that I was ugly and weird and no one would want me. Any boy I did get close with, my mum pretty much scared away within a few days, then told everyone it hadn’t worked out because I ‘wasn’t interested in that sort of thing’.To this day I don’t know why she did this. Maybe it was a control thing, or she had some kind of hang up herself, no idea. Of course, people at school picked up on this, especially at primary school since my mother taught at the school I attended and so made comments about my appearance in front of the other students, who gleefully picked this up as prime bullying material.Anyway, upshot was, that by the time I left home at 18 and went to college, I was convinced myself that I was ugly and weird and no one would want to go near me. I didn’t bother taking care of myself or making any effort because I’d always been told there was no point. So it became a vicious circle kind of thing. I’m by no means a beauty but I realise now I’m not as hideous as everyone made out.
4. Sometimes there’s just no explaining it
I had a work colleague who at age 42 is still a virgin, thing is she wanted to have sex, she talked about it all the time, she wasn’t religious, she didn’t want to be married first, she didn’t have any reason to not have sex, she just said it just never happened for her and then as she got older and older it got harder and harder because potential partners thought it was weird. – kebel23
5. You can’t make yourself too busy for relationships
I spent too much time studying while in school and forgot socializing was a thing.This now lead me to my current predicament where I have a high paying job but no one I could call even a friend, let alone a SO
6. Damn you, video games!
I (M) lost my virginity at 31. I was generally uninterested in dating in my early 20s and spent most of my time smoking pot and playing video games. In my late 20s it became apparent I had no skills trying to attract the opposite sex. I went on and off again trying to meet someone using dating apps, but most women lost interest in me after the 1st date and the rest after the 2nd or 3rd.I had given up on dating again when my sister set me up on a blind date with someone her husband knew. We surprisingly hit it off. Fast forward a few months and the time comes to do the deed. I was understandably nervous. There are things about s^x no amount of porn can prepare you for, namely the smell, taste, and mechanical execution of work that is sex. The first time was awkward, but it got better. I must not have sucked at it as much as it felt like I did because we’ve been married for 6 months now.EDIT: when I said smell and taste, I mean that they are distinct, not rank.
7. Impossible standards are a bad idea
I have a friend like this. He’s 45. He had an inane list of criteria a woman must meet before he even dates her.It may have been plausible when he was younger but now I wish him good luck.
8. An AirBnB Love Story
Not me, my bf was 35 when he lost his. I was his first. I, on the other hand is a divorcee. He is an introvert and quite awkward in conversations. The only reason that we got to know each other well was because I rented his Airbnb room for 2 weeks. Nothing sexual happened during that time. We just got to spend time talking and doing some hikes together.The tension was undeniable but we stayed decent to each other as we both didn’t want to do anything to spoil the bond we have slowly created. We became friends first… And now after about 2 years of having a long distance relationship, we are living together.
9. Gotta watch out for that religious guilt
F 32, currently virgin. Religious background, that is what has lead to this situation.Living in a small city, don’t want to use tinder here, and just have not met anyone yet (non existent social life).I had a trip planned next weekend to another country to see someone and very likely to have s^x with them.
10. Sometimes good things actually happen on Tinder
I lost my virginity at 35. I’ve always been overweight and a constant fear of rejection kept me from dating most of my life.Almost exactly a year ago I just said “fuck it” and downloaded Tinder.I went on a few dates before meeting the love of my life. She was only a little more experienced than I was, and never showed signs of surprise or made me feel weird about being so inexperienced. I intend to propose on the anniversary of our first date.For the people posting saying their chance has passed – it’s never too late.
At the end of the day, your s^x life, or lack of it, is nobody’s business but your own. Live up to your own desires and expectations, not anybody else’s.
What do you think, reading through all this?
Let’s talk in the comments.