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When I was a kid, one of my favorite questions to ask people is if they could be granted one of two superpowers, would they pick flight or invisibility?

You should try it sometime, you really learn quickly which of your friends are creeps.

Of course the folks at AskReddit have one-upped my hypothetical by busting the options wide open.

User Tyrannonathan asked:

God is retiring, and asks you to permanently replace him. What is the first thing you do as the new God?

Here’s some response highlights:

15. Be your own boss

Call in sick.

Who’s gonna fire me?

14. Evolution did kinda screw us on that

I’m gonna finally fix that thing where you can bite the inside of your own mouth by accident.

13. I’d like mine 90’s style, please

Everybody is getting their own theme song!

12. Points for honesty

I’m really sorry everybody, but I’ll probably be smashing things into earth at ludicrous speeds.

You’ve played universe sandbox, you know it’s addictive

11. Ugh. Everything’s a sequel these days

Write bible 2 with guns and dragons.

10. But then we’d lose our facebook fights

Human rational thinking +1

Stand back a few days and adjust more if needed

9. Weirdly specific but you do you

Humans are able to grow new teeth.

As someone who regrets not taking dental health seriously, it would be nice to have another chance.

8. Total buzzkill

No more mosquitoes!

7. God could use a better publicist

Make media appearances, give interviews, book signings, etc. No more of this ridiculous divine hiddenness

6. Dream big, buddy

I’ll take a potato chip, And eat it

5. I might have started with disease, but ok

Make the sloth the fastest landspeed animal in the world, overnight.

And give all pigeons the power of speech in a New York accent.

4. You should team up with potato chip guy

Submit several journal papers explaining the deepest unanswered questions of the universe.

Also, probably make a sandwich.

3. A turn for the better

set up an automatic detection and punishment system for people who change lanes without using their turn signal.

2. Humans shouldn’t be so proprietary, we’re not Apple

Create one universal blood type.

No more of this multiple blood type non-compatibility bulls**t!


Remove all allergies to dogs.

Aw heck, I’ll be a nice guy and just get rid of allergies in general.

So what about you?

If you were God, would you be noble? Or immediately get drunk with power?

Let us know in the comments.