Apparently things are a lot different in St. Louis, MO, than in any other place in the world.
No, it’s not because they’ve got the Arch.
It’s because of what they do to these delicious circles of boiled and baked bread.
Yes, we’re talking about the humble bagel – the chewy, Jewish-American breakfast staple traditionally served sliced in half, smeared with cream cheese and maybe with a bit of lox and capers?
But this is apparently what happens to bagels in St. Louis:
Today I introduced my coworkers to the St Louis secret of ordering bagels bread sliced. It was a hit! pic.twitter.com/XNGbljtpYz
— Alek Krautmann (@AlekKrautmann) March 26, 2019
Yes. Apparently in St. Louis they treat bagels like they’re loaves of bread. And the internet is NOT having it.
I’m going to lose my f*cking mind this should be a godd*mn felony why the f*ck would you do THIS I’m literally furious and I want to call the f*cking SWAT team https://t.co/zs5pmXVxfa
— hi I’m barbra where’s the microwave (@annagearyx) March 27, 2019
Because why people… why?!?
I believe this is a Class A felony in New York City. And if its not, it should be. https://t.co/ngbbPFvnya
— Justin Brannan (@JustinBrannan) March 27, 2019
Does anybody like St. Louis anyway? (Don’t answer that St. Louisians. You don’t count.)
We regret to inform you that St. Louis is cancelled. https://t.co/XSlhL1sN2G
— בנימן טבלוב | Benjamin (@bentev28) March 27, 2019
Although it’s probably too late for this idea…
sell st. louis back to france https://t.co/DTDYNRd8eJ
— Walter Hickey (@WaltHickey) March 27, 2019
“Bread slicing” bagels almost feels like a hate crime.
is this anti-semitism because it sure feels like it https://t.co/7hbFUn0hgx
— julian?? (@_oygevalt) March 27, 2019
But maybe Christina has an answer. Because what is this St. Louis Bread Company and how can we stop them?
Can confirm. No one has ever eaten an entire cinnamon crunch bagel from St. Louis Bread Company (or “Panera” for you other folk). It must be bread-sliced and shared. Justice for bread-sliced chocolate chip bagels, too. I stand by this tweet. https://t.co/k4BOrmlch2
— Christina Stiehl (@ChristinaStiehl) March 27, 2019
Even Panera weighed in and we’re even more confused! Why are you divided about this?
Our team is divided over here. Do other people slice their bagel Bread Co style? https://t.co/NbdZjj6G6C
— Panera Bread (@panerabread) March 27, 2019
Quick fun fact many people outside of St. Louis don’t know. In St. Louis, Panera is actually called St. Louis Bread Company. And they have bread slicers in every location for just this reason.
Needless to say, employees suffer as a result.
smile thru the pain especially when ppl order 18 bagels bread sliced ????
— jenna (@mightbejenna) April 12, 2015
The struggle is real.
@PaneraProbz *after cleaning the bread slicer* Customer: can I get a bagel pack of cinnamon crunch bread sliced! Me: ?
— alejandro. (@aHurtado310) November 26, 2012
Real f*cking real.
Highlight of my day: woman who ordered 4 dozen bagels at our busiest time of day and wanted them ALL bread sliced. #callaheadbitch
— Jenna Brown (@TheeJennaB) November 13, 2010
Nothing is going to solve this predicament. St. Louis bagel eaters are still going to act like god d*mn monsters, “bread slicing” their bagels from now until eternity.
But none of us has to like it.
Or ever go to St. Louis again.