The “Shopping Cart Theory” is a Simple Test to See Who’s Good and Who’s Bad

What if I told you that what you’re about to read will have you thinking about shopping carts for the rest of the day? Don’t believe me? Read on.

It’s impossible to know where the Shopping Cart Theory ultimately originated, but occasionally something interesting can emerge from the depths of the internet’s basement.

Part 1: Thesis

The original poster breaks down the thesis statement like this:

Part 2: Evidence

Gotta love the lofty language utilized by the would-be philosopher here.

Part 3: Moral Convictions

Is returning the shopping cart one of the few true purely selfless acts?

Part 4: Animals

Thus far, I’ve been waiting for this 4chan post to get weirdly gross or intense, and here it is:

Part 5: Conclusion

A final bold stance is taken.

Debate

So, armed with the idea that literally the only way to tell a purely good from a purely bad person is to monitor their behavior in a Walmart parking lot, the internet was set ablaze. Twitter user @ANTICHRISTJARED (intense name, bro) shared the original screenshot of the post alongside a diagram displaying a variant of the trolley problem, but rather than choosing between one life and several, the subject is choosing between putting cart away and…not.

https://twitter.com/ANTICHRISTJARED/status/1261071221795454978

Response

A few grocery/retail employees were quick to support the idea that this is highly important.

This is true.

I’m the cart guy at a grocery store and I can confirm that I look down at you when I see you abandon the carts.

Please for the love of God and man and all that is right with the world RETURN YOUR CART.

YOU’RE NOT HELPING ANYTHING BY DITCHING IT!
PLEASE!

— The Headhunter (@THEheadhunter44) May 15, 2020

Criticism

There are a couple of glaring holes in this 3 paragraph manifesto…

It’s a sh^tty theory, ignoring disabled people and others who may not be able to return a trolley, putting them in a “extreme emergency” vs “not even human” comparison. It’s sh^tty analysis on every level.

Yeah, return your shopping cart. Also appreciate reasons ppl don’t.

— =8)-DX (@thedxman) May 16, 2020

Further Evidence

Consider that this act of courtesy may be more helpful than you realize.

How many shopping carts get abandoned in the handicap space/area? Those blue lines aren’t for carts they’re for access for wheelchair users to enter/exit their vehicle. Returning your cart to the corral is for the common good

— Carlos Ronco (@carlosronco) May 15, 2020

Human Cost

Relationships have been ruined by this. Think of the families. Think of the future.

I broke up with someone because i found out they didn’t return shopping carts

— embarassment with extra ass (@unofficialdrake) May 15, 2020

So, what do you think? Overblown rhetoric, or moral imperative worthy of being chiseled into stone as the eleventh commandment?

…or something in between, maybe?

Let us know in the comments.