You know what drives me crazy with movie characters?
When there’s some kind of conflict arising from a misunderstanding, and Character A says to Character B “How could you!” B and A have known each other for a while, and B has given A no reason not to trust him before now, but A jumps right to assuming the worst. “I can explain!” shouts B, “Save it!” says A, and leaves in a huff.
B really could have explained. But he won’t get a chance to, because we need to save that resolution for the final act. In the meantime, try to somehow not think of A as an absolute sociopath.
Oh look, here’s Twitter to pick apart some more tropes!
19. Phony phone
I also leave gaps in my conversation that are way too short for me to be getting the information I’m getting.
Hello. I am a person talking on a phone in a film. I never say goodbye when I hang up, and weirdly nobody else in that film ever seems to think that is really fucking rude.
— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) February 26, 2021
18. Carry on
I get everything I need with just the look on my face.
Hello. I am a female character in a film. I never carry a back pack, fanny pack or purse because I can get anywhere I want and do whatever I need to do without money, phone or any form of ID.
— Joyce Kline (@joycekline) March 6, 2021
17. Afraid of the dark
“Let me just unload these groceries I’m carrying for some reason in the darkness.”
Hello I’m a person in a film and I never turn the light on when I get home in the middle of the night.
— Mary Bloom (@marybloom4810) February 26, 2021
16. Period piece
What a perfect world.
Hello. I am a woman in a film who has her period. I wear white clothes with aplomb and never have to check the furniture when I get up from sitting, also never have to have friends check back of said clothes for leaks. I manage a hectic lifestyle without needing painkillers.
— covidvaccinated molotov 💉🦠 (@NursepollyRgn) March 4, 2021
15. Good police work
We’re all better cops than movie cops.
Hello, I am the suspiciously helpful witness to a crime that the audience just *knows* is the murderer, but the cops are totally oblivious to until it’s almost too late.
— Ronnie Beaton (@CreepingSpleen) March 5, 2021
14. Seek and ye shall find
“Good thing they have it filed under ‘I’ for ‘incriminating evidence.'”
Hello. I’m a person in a movie who has snuck into an office where I’ve never been to find some critical information. I look through a few unmarked file drawers, then flip through some file folders, then open one of the folders. Voila! 90 seconds, tops.
— Adam Spilka (@ARSpilka) March 7, 2021
13. Do the twist
The first day you become cool they teach you how to do that neck thing.
Hello, I am one of several swarthy henchmen guarding the sunny gardens of an opulent mansion; I am immediately killed by a slight twisting motion to my head.
— Anton Chigurh (@zzapbrannigan) March 5, 2021
12. Fit me in
Lose the attitude.
Hello I’m the shop fitting room in a film. Whenever you want to try on clothes I’m always free unless you’re in a hurry, in this case you overtake the person walking slowly in front of you just before they reach me, turn smile, then close curtain with gusto and precision.
— Nicky Harley (@harleynicky) March 4, 2021
11. Secret surprise
GOTTA SAVE IT FOR ACT III.
Hello. I am a person in a film. My family, friends and I keep TONS of secrets from each other. We never tell each other the big things happening, even when our loved ones are involved, really need to know too & it would quickly alleviate all problems.
— Lisa (@lis_lam) March 4, 2021
10. The following
“Oh don’t mind him, he’s just a creeper.”
Hello. I am a person secretly following someone else in a film. I walk in the middle of the road directly behind them, right after they’ve passed me, with a creepy expression on my face. No-one thinks this is weird.
— Fifty 🌹📘♣️🧀🌳🦅🏠🇬🇧 (@50Diary2020) March 6, 2021
9. Beyond our means
Low income people in movies are somehow always rich.
Hello. I am a teacher married to a police man in a British series. We don’t get paid very much as we’re keyworkers. But we happen to live in a swanky West London townhouse with very swanky furnishings.
— 🦖🤕 (@dinosorehead) March 4, 2021
8. Secret time
“Yanno, we should really do this more often, it’s lovely out here.”
Hello, I’m a secret agent in a movie that will only meet my contacts for a stroll thru an open picturesque part of the city
— Fergal McMenamin (@FergSFDC) March 4, 2021
7. Number one problem
Why do we not think of this?
Hello. I am a woman having a pee in a film. I’ll sit down and pee, but pull my pants and everything back up without wiping. No one thinks it’s weird about my wet pants.
— 🦖🤕 (@dinosorehead) March 4, 2021
6. The best laid plans
I mean, I guess texting exists, but even then, people usually say “I’ll text you the details.”
Hello. I’m a girl in a movie on the phone making a date with a guy. I don’t tell him what time, or where to pick me up, or even goodbye. Yet, somehow, the date happens.
— Wizabish (@wizabish) March 4, 2021
5. That blows
Walk off that head injury, you’ll be fine.
Hello, I am a person in a movie who had received a blow to the head with sufficient force to render me unconscious. I will shortly wake up and rub my head briefly. I will suffer no other ill effects.
— Niall R. Thotep (@Psychonaut99) February 26, 2021
4. Beep boop!
I can understand this happening back when almost no one owned a computer, but now we literally all have them, and we KNOW they don’t make these noises.
Hello! I’m a computer in a movie and I’ll beep every time a key is pressed!
— Rafael Erler 📚🔭🔬 (@RafaelErler) March 8, 2021
3. The black spot
There is no normal coughing allowed in film.
Hello I am a person in a film who has just coughed. I am dying.
— Josie (@JoJoNinjaLlama) March 6, 2021
2. Jump scare!
Those ghosts really know what they’re doing.
Hello. I am a supernatural entity in a film. To begin with, I only create small almost inconsequential happenings that are easily dismissed but build to a massive scare-the-living-shit-out-of-you crescendo because I’m very familiar with the process of dramatic tension.
— Andy (@AJN_Racing) March 8, 2021
1. I’m late!
People in movies apparently have daily breakfast spreads that most of us would make the effort for *maybe* once a year if like, extended family was over for the holidays.
Hello. I am a mom making breakfast in a film. I serve fresh pastries, fruit salad and bacon rashers on a tableclothed table and juice in a jug. My children never eat it though, they grab a bagel and walk out the door because they’re always about to miss the school bus.
— Sarah J (@anothersarahj) February 27, 2021
Hows come movies so dumb, yanno?
What other tropes should we dig into?
Tell us in the comments.