Part of the math of having a good relationship is discovering which off-putting traits to look out for. These kinds of things are usually referred to as “red flags,” warnings that the person you’re with has things they need to work on, and in the long run, is not going to be a good fit for you.
Discussions of LOTS of common red flags came up when user xCombust took to r/AskReddit to pose the question:
What is an instant turn-off in a relationship? from AskReddit
There were thousands of answers. Some were incredibly specific, but others were variations on repeating themes. Here’s a few examples of the latter.
1. Selfishness can be subtle.
Always wanting you to be there for them but not returning the favor
2. Love definitely does NOT mean never having to say you’re sorry.
Refusal to admit they have done anything wrong. Never apologizing.
3. Belittling your partner’s interests is probably a power play, and not a welcome one.
Putting the other person down when they’re interested in/excited about something.
4. If there’s not a name for this in psychology yet, there should be.
Not sure what it’s called, but intentionally causing a fight because they enjoy the making up period.
5. You’re the protagonist of your life, but not of the world.
A big red flag in either a romantic relationship or just a friendship for me, is when the person you’re talking to is always either the hero or the victim in every story they tell.
Usually a pretty good indicator or how they view themselves / interact with the world, and it usually means they’re going to be “my way or the highway” or “everyone else is to blame for everything”
Both are insufferable qualities
6. Nobody likes a possessive partner.
My ex always told me to not meet up with some of friends anymore. That’s always a red flag. I didn’t stop meeting my friends but I stopped meeting her pretty soon.
7. Sensitivity is one thing, fragility is another.
Low self-esteem to the point you have to dance around their feelings constantly out of fear they’ll blow up over the most miniscule things.
8. Take some initiative!
When you realise there would be no plans, unless you are the one to initiate them
9. If you can’t laugh together, what can you do?
Not having the same sense of humor. How horrible to be laughing and the other person doesn’t think somethings funny.
From like a core humor standpoint. Hard to explain but I’ve been in this situation during a date and it’s soooo awkward to realize you don’t find the same things funny.
10. We all want someone in our lives who helps us move forward.
Having no ambition.
The show BoJack Horseman has one of the greatest lines of dialogue I’ve ever heard. Following a bad relationship, a character named Wanda remarks, “You know, it’s funny, when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
Basically, it’s important to keep a head on our shoulders and respect ourselves enough to recognize when we’re not being treated right.
What’s an instant turn-off for you?
Tell us about it in the comments.